It's funny how changes seem to sweep into my life. Six months ago, J and I were in a very different place in our relationship and very much in a rut. We had a tumultuous summer after I "came out" of the kinky closet and we struggled to redefine how we relate to each other. Of course, those of you who have been following this blog already know the outcome: J and I are closer than ever and growing together.
Redefining one's primary relationship is a big deal in anyone's life. Especially when this results in a strengthening of the bonds between two people who have known each other for years. While we have that shared history to draw upon, we also now see each other in a new light. The growth this process has triggered is also causing us to look critically at others areas of our lives; to notice other habits or ruts that no longer serve us well and to be open to new possibilities. This openess is a magnet for change.
Last week, we found a small house (under 800 square feet) that seems to be the answer to a list of problems for us. Recurring health problems prompted us to question how much longer we could continue living where we are. We looked for a home closer to where I work but came up empty handed. Then I decided to post a "looking to buy" advertisement on a local bulletin board and J got a call two days later from someone planning to list a property about a month from now. I checked it out of course and it was love at first sight. While the house is smaller than where we are now, the property is large, the house has been completely renovated and the price is right. I took measurements and pictures to show J and we decided this is the place for us. We immediately got busy and started getting our own place ready to list.
The funny thing about all of this is each step of the way, we hit a bump in the road. For example, we knew we needed to move but couldn't find anything we thought we could afford in a location that would enable us to address the underlying issues. I posted the "looking to buy" advertisement and suddenly the right house appears. I get bummed out by the prospect that real estate fees may eat up what little profit we will get from our current home and an option to help cut some of the selling costs appears. J and I have refused to let negativity interfere with our forward momentum and the options seem to appear as we need them.
We have to thin out our possessions in order to fit ourselves into this smaller house and have begun the process with gusto! We will be selling, giving away to friends and family or donating to charity anything we can't take with us. The purging process has been remarkably painless and I believe that the rebirth and strengthening of my relationship with J that is making this possible. I believe that some of the things I collected and gathered were in response to my fears and frustrations as I hid in the closet all these years. Now that I'm out and know that J loves and accepts all of me, I find my attachments to many things in this house have changed.
We have come to realize that what we both want is to maintain our health, to live below our means so we can look forward to being debt free again in the near future. This will give us the freedom to spend more time with each other, doing the things we love and living our own version of "happily ever after."