Paperback Romances: A Little Kink in Vanilla Wrapping

Okay.  I admit it.  I love historical romances, steamy ones with tall alpha males and lusty, capable females, all in great period costumes, breaking with the conventions of their day to indulge their passions.  In truth, I credit a rekindled interest in such paperback books with helping to revitalize my sleeping libido last year before I embraced my newfound kinky streak.  I had started reading romances in hopes of escaping some of the stress in which I seemed to be mired.  My blood pressure was causing me some grief and I wasn't sleeping well, so I turned to paper-based escapism.

I was surprised how much I enjoyed some of them.  I quickly realized that some writers were racier than others and began leaning heavily toward the steamier selections.  As much as I enjoy erotica, I have a soft spot for swashbuckling stories of buccaneers, aristocratic vampires and glittering soirees in exotic places, so I return again and again to historical romances. My favourite authors are gifted in their use of words and can weave description that sets my mind racing and my body blazing! 

Now these are mainstream romances that can be bought at Wal-Mart and will garner no unusual attention.  On my daily commute, my incessant reading has occasionally drawn snobbish stares by those who wouldn't be caught dead reading romances.  They have no idea what they are missing.

Once in a while, one of the stories I read will have kinky overtones. 

What's in a Word

Slut.  It's a four-letter word with a whole lot of meaning attached.  Growing up in small town North America, it was the label that no girl wanted.  Anyone called "slut" where I grew up was considered to be sexually promiscuous and deserving of the insult that went with the label. 

Now having said that, it didn't take much to get labelled this way where I grew up.  Any girl who gave her boyfriend what he wanted could end up called a slut once they broke up.  Sometimes a girl just had to "look" promiscuous.  If she dressed provocatively, wore too much makeup or had too much hip sway when she walked, that alone might be enough.  The messages being sent were certainly clear:  men might want sex, but nice girls don't have sex, at least not outside of long term relationships and waiting until marriage was even better.  Sexually aggressive or available women might be desirable, but they were unworthy of respect.

According to Wikipedia, the exact origins of the term are unknown, but the word has been around for centuries.  While Geoffrey Chaucer used the word to describe a slovenly man in 1386, the modern usage of the word (i.e. meaning a sexually promiscuous woman) dates to 1450.  So for almost six hundred years, the word "slut" has been used in a derogatory manner, largely, but not exclusively toward women.

These days, the use of the word is changing, thanks to books like The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (a.k.a. Janet Hardy). 

Introduction to Public Play

It was the first social gathering that J and I attended as a couple.  J had selected what I was to wear that evening: a longer corset, black panties, fish net stockings and strappy heels.  With J’s permission I added a pashmina style shawl, in case the room was cool.  I donned my thigh length leather coat for the drive over.

Upon arrival, I retreated to my hostess’s bedroom to ensure that my outfit had suffered no ill effects in the car and to help calm my nervousness.  Another woman was in the process of donning her corset as I came in.  We chatted and checked each other’s outfits.  For a moment, I felt like I was back in high school in the girls’ washroom.  Finally I worked up my nerve and headed back to the gathering as I knew J would be looking for me by now.  I walked out and felt approving eyes as I sought J’s company.

A number of guests had brought “toys” from home for the show and tell aspect of the gathering.  There was an amazing assortment of floggers, whips, collars, cuffs, crops, and gags on display.  One person brought a collapsible set of stocks which was prominently displayed at one end of the living room.  The toys had the same effect on the guests as toys do to children at a toy store: there was curiosity, nervous smiles, the odd avaricious glance of appreciation and utter delight.  The smell of good leather was everywhere.

Going Back to School, I Hope!

In my last post, I visited the Kink Academy web site.  As I looked through the site, I came across a great opportunity.  Kink Academy is currently searching for three kinky bloggers to share their real life experiences in BDSM on its web site.!  Interested bloggers are invited to submit a blog post explaining why they are interested in this three month position and what they hope to get out of it.  Does it get any better than this? I go searching for useful links for my own blog and find an educational and writing opportunity that also pays $75 a month for three months! 
As a relative new comer to BDSM, one of my pet peeves has been finding useful information on the internet.  This blogging opportunity offered by Kink Academy seems made to order.  Each week, I'd be required to watch two of their videos and write a post about my own experience watching/using the information in the video. 

This is not unlike the approach I've taken as I've learned things as a member of Fetlife.  For example, as I learned about nipple play, I wrote a fictional journal entry, based on my own experimentation, and posted it on my blog (check out The Cougar Chronicles: Clothespins 101).  As a fictional journal entry, it read more like erotica, but then again it was meant to be entertaining. I first posted it on Fetlife and several members thanks me for the good ideas, so I guess it was informative and entertaining! 

Kink Academy - A New Take on Adult Learning

I discovered a great website yesterday, Kink Academy  http://www.kinkacademy.com/home/

The web site describes itself as providing creative, playful and varied sexuality instruction for curious and consenting adults interested in taking their play to another level.  For a modest fee of $9.95 you get unlimited access to an on demand library of educational videos (33 gigabytes) that is updated four times a week.  The video materials feature well-known educators and individuals from the BDSM community, all of whom who are passionate about their subject matter.

I know one of my personal frustrations searching for useful information on BDSM is most of the key word searches I've conducted yield an enormous amount of porn in the search results.  Now I have nothing against porn, but there are times when I'm looking for practical, how-to information as opposed to titillation.  Kink Academy offers brief video tutorials on a wide range of subjects including D/s, bondage, edge play, fetishes, "Kink 101", pony play, role play, sadomasochism and service and protocols.

Taking Risks

It was May when I confessed my kinky nature to my partner. I had been sitting in the livingroom, cruising some kinky sites on the internet, like I had been doing for weeks at that point, when J casually asked what I was looking at.  Apparently I had been totally engrossed and it was my expression that caught J's attention.  I took a deep breath and decided to tell the truth.  

That was the scariest thing I've ever done.  J and I have been through a lot in our fifteen years together and we have stuck with each other, literally through thick and thin: divorce, bankruptcy, cross-Canada moves, dramatic job changes - you get the picture.  Part of the reason I had supressed my nature for so long was the fear that J might not be able to accept it, given a very personal childhood experience with physical abuse.

The BDSM Circle/Le Cercle BDSM

The internet is full of information and sites related to BDSM.  There's a lot of porn out there...an awful lot of porn.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-porn.  Much of the porn I've seen is big on the theatrical aspects of BDSM but the questions in my brain need more than that.

I've recently come across a few sites that offer alternatives.  I mentioned one blog of note A Kind Dom in yesterday's post.  Tonight, I want to introduce you to The BDSM Circle/Le Cercle BDSM, a website created and maintained by Catherine (katy) and her real life partner and Dom, Maitre Pierre.  Their easy to navigate website contains a great assortment of information and resources on BDSM, as chosen by them.

A Kind Dom: A Blog Worth Checking Out

I discovered a wonderful blog a few days ago entitled "A Kind Dom" (check my links for the URL).  One of the recent posts explores the notion of forcing a submissive past his/her expressed limits.  The post and the comments that followed gave much food for thought.  I decided to post my comment here.  I do encourage you to check out his site.

******************************************************************************************************** 

When I was a child I had a terrible fear of heights and deep water.  The day I overcame that fear, I slowly climbed the high diving board at our local pool (which was over the deep end), walked up to the end of the board, closed my eyes and stepped off.  I sank to the bottom of the pool, opened my eyes, pushed off from the bottom, and kicked until I reached the surface. 

Seeing Myself, Being Myself

Over the past several months, I've been struggling to come to terms with some long hidden aspects of myself.  This has been a difficult process as many of these aspects are inconsistent with how I viewed myself up until now.  It's even hard to write about these things here.  As reluctant as I've been to own these bits and show them to the world, each time I embrace a new one, I feel less broken and more whole.

One of the aspects I've wrestled with concerns nudity.  I once posed nearly nude for a water color artist in the 1990s and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire process.  I was extremely comfortable sitting for this individual, in little more than a garter belt and stockings.  The artist was very professional and I felt extremely safe.  This no doubt helped me to relax, but I was surprised how comfortable I was wearing so very little.

Recently, I'd been thinking about this experience; specifically, how I might experiment again.  Fortunately fate intervened in the form of a new friend, one who has an interest in erotic photography.   We corresponded for several months, eventually met and became friends.  We discussed and planned an outdoor photography project and this past weekend carried it out.  My partner accompanied us on the shoot, helping to carry the gear into our locations and providing moral support. In truth, she was curious to learn why I was so determined to do this.  Initially, I explained it as an opportunity to explore my interest in erotic photography.  In truth, that was the only way I could explain it at the time.  However, once the shoot began, both of us came to realize that there was much more to it for me.

The Cougar Chronicles - Making Kinky Friends

This is the fifth installment in the fictional journal of a forty-something woman on a journey of self-discovery. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental...


There are many reasons that my favourite website is also a favourite internationally of so many other people.   Some folks use the site as a platform to soft-sell services or products from porn to vacuum pumps to leather goods.  Others use it as a platform form to express their viewpoints and some of these live in places where their kink could get them arrested or worse.   Others like it because here they can use all those dirty little words you can’t use in polite company in most places.  Some love it for the naughty games like “fuck or pass”, where you view the profile of the person who posts above you in the discussion thread and decide whether you would fuck them or pass.  Where else can you exercise your exhibitionist streak and post nude or semi-nude pictures of yourself and have someone send you feedback that they love the contrast of your painted finger nails against the pale skin of your breasts.  In short, it provides a powerful and validating outlet for thoughts and images that might never be otherwise shared.
It’s an odd sort of culture this website.  While it is acceptable to set up and play games like “fuck or pass” and “spank or pass”, to post pictures of erections, pierced labia and bruised thighs, it is not considered good form to be openly predatory in correspondence with strangers.   Most folks I’ve encountered thus far have been polite, open-minded and more than willing to share their thoughts and experiences.    I love the civility of this.  You’re also not allowed to bash other people for their beliefs and certain things are utterly forbidden – no kiddie porn here whatsoever.  No doubt, this helps contribute to the relatively comfortable atmosphere in most of the discussion threads I’ve viewed and helps to “normalize” things.  This doesn’t mean that all correspondence has been pleasant. Occasionally my path has crossed with trollers ; that is, those who smell fresh meat and are drawn to it.

The Cougar Chronicles: When Did You Know You Were Kinky?

This is the fourth installment in the fictional journal of a forty-something woman.  While her life and mine share some things in common, this entry below is a work of fiction.

The groups and discussion forums are one of the best things about my favourite website.  There is literally is a group for every fetish and interest.  Often it is the responses from members that are the greatest source of validation for newcomers like me.  The discussion can provoke introspection too.  Such was the case with the discussion thread entitled: “When Did You Know You Were Kinky?”

As I read the responses posted, I was struck that for most folks, the epiphany was an exercise in hindsight.  The moment or event that each person described was more likely than not one that assumed that significance after the fact.  That made sense to me: self-discovery is a process as opposed to a destination.  I imagine a person is likely already on a journey before she fully realizes the direction she is taking.   I can’t say that I usually know when I’ve taken the first significant step in a whole new direction.  I say this because, as I pondered this particular discussion question, I kept changing my answer, going further backwards in my life to earlier and earlier events. There was no way at that stage in my life I would have been able to say that this event or another was the definitive beginning of my journey down the kinky path.

I thought of other questions aimed at those outside the mainstream that must yield a similar sort of response: “When did you know you were gay?” “When did you know you were transgendered?”  This sort of question presumes that there is a moment of sudden awareness in which the sum total of all that the question entails is revealed.  What utter bullshit.  The ridiculousness of that assumption is revealed when you try the same approach with orientations believed to be more main stream:  When did you know you were heterosexual?”

Connections

Last evening while visiting with a friend, we got to talking about the ways in which people connect and began sharing stories.  I started to tell her about a wonderful man I met while attending an international conference in the United States back in the mid-nineties.  On a whim, I pulled her laptop over and googled his name to see what I'd find.  It took me a minute or two, but I found what I thought was a newspaper article about him and started reading it aloud to her.  When I got to the end and read "survived by..." I stopped in shock and scrolled back to the top to check the date. He had died on September 25, 2001.  I was stunned to realize that he had been dead almost nine years.   

The Cougar Chronicles: Inspirational Video

This is the third installment in the fictional journal of a forty-something woman on a journey of discovery.  While her life and mine may share some things in common, this is a work of fiction.  I hope you enjoy her adventures as much as I enjoy writing them.


One of the fringe benefits about being part of the fringe is improved access to inspirational video.  The website I joined provides paying members with access to all the videos that members choose to upload.  There is quite an assortment of stuff to be had on this video list: from home made porn to video promos for semi-professional and professional porn makers.  The subject matter is as varied as the members themselves.  About once a week, I like to check out the newly listed stuff to see if there is anything there which appeals to me.  You have to love the convenience of the internet!


This morning, I found a series of short videos documenting a scene in a dungeon or club somewhere.  A submissive woman was performing for her Domme and was being put through her paces with the willing participation of other guests.  You know, whenever I watch this sort of thing I am always impressed by the sexual athleticism of the submissive.  I’ve worked out in gyms and watched athletes being put through their paces by a team of trainers and or training partners.  While the actual dialogue exchange is very different, the intensity of the participants is the same: “Push harder! Your momma pushes harder than you do!” versus “Suck that thing - All the way to your tonsils, slut!”  The person at the receiving end of both streams of words is sweaty and clearly pushing their physical limits.   Isn’t it interesting to contemplate how differently both training sessions and the athletes themselves are viewed by the general public?

The Cougar Chronicles: Clothespins101

This is the second chapter in the fictional journal of a forty-something year old woman. While this character may share attributes and experiences in common with me, she is a work of fiction. I hope you enjoy her adventures as much as I enjoy writing them.


Okay, so I’ve seen the pictures online and have decided it is time to give this a try. Nipple clamps still seem a little exotic and scary, but good old wholesome clothespins seem do-able and are a popular choice among kinksters. Since I am without a playmate at present, I’ve decided to explore ways of self-stimulation and clothespins may be just the thing. I go out shopping and bring back several different kinds (and a bottle of cabernet sauvignon).

A short while later and I’m slipping into a hot bath to soak away the tensions of the day. I love the feel of the water against my skin, the heat seeping into my sore muscles. I reach for my wine, take a few sips, then settle back to soak a bit. Fifteen minutes later, I’m ready to get down to the business at hand and reach for my razor. When I finally emerge from the tub, my skin is clean, soft and oh so very smooth, all over. I hang the damp towel behind the bathroom door and silently pad across the hallway to my bedroom.

The window is slightly ajar and cool night air wafts into the room, kissing my still damp skin and hardening my nipples. I spread a fresh towel out across my bed and place the day’s purchases within easy reach. All the lights are off except for my small bedside lamp. I reach for a bottle of lavender lotion and begin massaging dollops of cream into my skin, starting with my feet and ankles and working my way upwards. Sufficiently scented, I lie back on my towel and reach for the small wooden clothespins I bought earlier.

Grasping one in my right hand, I pull on my right nipple with my left hand, rolling it hard between my fingers, before putting the first pin in place. God, it’s so tight!

The Cougar Chronicles: Introduction

The following is the first installment in a fictional journal kept by a forty-something, single woman. While the main character may share experiences and attributes in common with me, she is a work of fiction. In a way, she may represent my "alter ego" and goes places that I can't (at least just yet). In any event, she is a likeable character. I hope you enjoy her adventures as much as I enjoy writing them.


The great thing about being in your forties is you have a much better sense yourself and what you want from life, from yourself, from your lovers...you get the picture. The lousy thing about being in your forties is while your perception of yourself may not have changed so much, your chassis is starting to feel the miles, your appetites have changed and society has a whole new set of labels for you to contend with. When I was in my twenties, a libido like mine made me a “hot” girlfriend. In my thirties, it was credited with keeping my marriage “vibrant.” I was a “horny housewife”, the kind men have wet dreams about. Now I’m divorced, in my mid forties, and my libido gets me labelled as a “cougar.” I mean who makes this shit up anyway? I suppose I should be grateful. I mean at least it sounds sexy - meow. If only it made getting laid a little easier.

Finding Safe Ways to Explore

This was a letter written to a kinky friend in response to his comment on the picture below:

My first time trying clover clamps.

I'm exploring my interest in erotic photography with the help of a talented and trusted friend. I've got another shoot planned with him in the very near future, so there may be more pictures to share.

I know what you mean about being busy. This summer has been a blur - so many new experiences, new friends, new thoughts and questions to process. But growth of any kind is usually like this - intense, somewhat uncomfortable at times, exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

And for the record, the clamps were not so much fun, but I had to try them. I think if I'd been "warmed up" a bit (i.e. had started with something familiar like clothespins), I'd have tolerated them a bit better. I knew they would look pretty, so I put up with them until the pictures were done.

Resolution

I wrote this in response to a writing exercise where we were given one word "resolution" and instructed to write about it. I posted this on Fetlife about four months ago.


Resolution - the trait of resolutely controlling one's own behavior, self-control, will power, self will...an essential characteristic in her line of work and one now quickly slipping from her grasp.

Monica wasn't sure how much time had passed. Blindfolded, unable to move, she was suspended in the air, legs apart, arms, hands and head secured but completely suppported in a near horizontal position. She'd had plenty of time to consider how she gotten in this predicament.

It had started as a friendly debate about self control and self mastery between her and her lover of four months. She considered herself to be well disciplined and quite able to exercise mastery over her emotions and physical responses. After all, she was a professional, trained to do difficult and complex tasks under extreme conditions as part of her work for the agency five years ago. While she had found work as a consultant in the civilian world, she hardly considered herself a pushover. She liked being in control, especially in her relationships.

Morgan was not like the kind of man to which she was usually attracted. Sure he was attractive and intelligent like others in her past, but he exuded a quiet confidence quite unlike anything she'd seen before. At first she had thought him cocky if not arrogant. The set of his jaw, the half smile that always played at his lips, the relaxed yet, predatory way he walked across a room, set him apart in her mind. The first time she laid eyes on him, she couldn't look away. When their eyes locked, she felt his energy reach out to her. Her skin had literally tingled.

Hands

This is a short piece of fiction I wrote and posted on Fetlife about four month ago...


I can feel my heart beating faster as you press the butt plug against my tight ass. I can't see you, but I imagine you are smiling. My ass is in the air, breasts are pressed against the sheet, my face just behind my wrists. My attention is focused on my hands. You tell me not to move. I stare at my hands and will myself still.

Stepping Out of the Shadows

I imagine it happened for me the way it happens for many women. There is a nagging at the edge of your conscious thought. You don't notice it all the time as the demands of the day-to-day world create enough noise and distraction to make it fade into the background. But you know it never really goes away. It's hard to see it clearly because it dwells in the shadows of your psyche. The shadows is where we keep those aspects of ourselves that don't fit in to the personas that we've crafted in order to fit in and be what we think others need us to be. It can be a challenge to face our shadow selves, let alone embrace them.