Sexuality and perception of time

Today I am feeling my age.  Every once in a while, the souvenirs of decades-old car accidents get aggravated by present day activity and I get to spend several days tormented, and not in a good way.  I'm luckier than most folks.  I have walked away from several accidents.  There are those who never make it through one and I've suffered little in the way of permanent dysfunction.  Having said this, I do have days like today when those old injuries insist on reminding me that my tolerance levels aren't what they once were. 

On days like this, the pain renders me incapable and I end up missing work and falling further behind.  Of course this often prompts me to work harder the day I return to work and if left unchecked can trigger the insidious cycle of burnout.  I finally had to accept the fact there will be days when my body calls "time-out,” that I must listen when it does and not beat myself up about what has to be postponed or what doesn't get done at all.  Easier said than done, of course, but pain like this can be very motivational.  It just sucks sometimes to be reminded that my body parts aren't as resilient as they once were and I must know make provision for that.

I'm also reminded my age for another reason.  I watched a music video today on the blog of a friend and was struck by one line from the song, something about the woman in question being twice the singer's age.  In the past year, I've made some new friends in the local kink community and this song reminded me that many of them are half my age. 

I'm not bothered by this so much as I find I am prompted to question my perception of time.  Having had no children, my life is not filled with as many events that signal the passage of time, so it is easier for the years to blur together.  Also, my own appearance has not changed so dramatically from one year to the next to trigger any lasting recalibration of my own sense of time, so I imagine that's why I notice when events challenge my perception.

Another factor that complicates matters is the vast improvement in my sex life over the past year.  I'm another year older yet my physical responses during BDSM play and sexual activities flies in the face of that reality.  More than once, as we've basked in a delicious afterglow, I have turned to Lady and remarked "My, that just took years off me!" and have meant it in every way possible. 

Many times, our activities have challenged me physically yet I have worked past any obstacles.  For example, sometimes I am forced to maintain a position for a period of time.  Other times the sheer length of a session would have caused me to give up, especially if it involved climaxing more than once.  For years I didn't think it was possible for me to do that.  Now it is an odd thing if I do not.  I am experiencing great pleasure during vigorous activities where once there was only fear of being physically hurt.  No doubt, the endorphins triggered by our impact play are helping counter the effects of time on my body, but more importantly I think it is the changing dynamic between me and Lady that is the key. 

We now speak freely of what we like/don't like.  We laugh at the humorous and human moments that arise during intimacy in a way we couldn't before.  We are also more experimental and curious about different ways we can play.  We are no longer threatened by or feel guilty when our respective libidos are not in sync.  Instead we do whatever we can to support loving expression of our respective desires. Spending time with younger friends has also helped to renew our interest in having a varied social life and this too has had rejuvenating effects. 

As much as my body is complaining of its age today, my mind offers it comfort every time I think back to a recent munch, to my first attempt at wax play with friends this past weekend, or the last time Lady rocked my world.  While I'm a late bloomer in terms of embracing my kinky nature, it is helping me now to live more authentically and to make up, in a way, for time lost.   And for this, I am truly grateful.