Sex Positivity - Degrees of Activism

I consider myself to be a sex positive person.  I am accepting of other sexual and gender orientations.  I respect that my kink may not be your kink, and vice versa.  I am open to the notion that there are many different sorts of relationships and families.

Back in the early 1980s, I volunteered briefly for Planned Parenthood.  I wrote letters to the editor.  I joined and volunteered at the women's resource centre at my local university.  I dabbled in different sorts of sexual activity when I was young to broaden my own horizons. I read gay fiction, bought Play Girl magazine, bought my first corset, bought my first tube of lubricant and thanks to the invention of the VCR, was introduced to porn.

Over the years, I supported friends and loved ones to be themselves.  Soon my own comfort levels were pushed to the limit as a loved one came to terms with her gender issues.  I had a chance to discover whether I loved someone for her gender presentation or for who she really is.  I also learned what it was to part of a same sex couple in small town Canada.

I joined the local Gays and Lesbians for Equality (that was before Bisexuality and Transgenderism registered in the name).  I attended meetings and reached out to others.  I wanted to be an activist as the lack of services and discrimination my loved one was encountering was unacceptable.  I made the issues the subjects of my academic course work at the time, which brought my activism into my work place.  I did extensive internet research.  I did education sessions for medical and mental health staff.  I coached the mental health team and got GBLT consumers involved.  I helped develop educational brochures for individuals, their families and their health care providers.  I opened the doors of my home to folks who needed someone to talk to at midnight. 

Fast forward to last year when I finally stepped out of the kinky closet.  I joined Fetlife.  I finally went to a munch.  Then I went to another and so on.  I've met other kinksters for coffee.  I "came out" to my partner.  Eventually I did a couple of informal presentations at a small, local conference on "Coming Out as Kinky" and "Subspace 101."

I admire folks who have found a way to earn a living in a manner that is consistent with being sex positive, whether through blogging, writing, presenting, educating, researching, selling sex toys, erotic jewellery or some combination of the above. One of these days, I hope to be in a similar position and am actively working towards that goal.  And the beauty of the internet is it is simple to find examples of others out there from which to draw inspiration and ideas.

Yesterday I discovered a charismatic and interesting individual who is extremely sex positive, and describes himself as an artist, author, educator, gender explorer, artist and shaman.  Lee Harrington is living proof to me that activism, passion, creativity and spirituality can come together in an amazing way. Rather than spoil your own process of discovery, I encourage you to check out his website and listen to one of the podcasts.  Visually the web site is interesting and easy to navigate, but you need to hear his voice to really appreciate his passion, energy, ideas and down to earth approach.  Check him out at:  http://passionandsoul.com/

In closing, I challenge you to consider how you can be more sex positive and leave you with the following suggestions:

1.  Get on Twitter and follow sex positive individuals and organizations.  Re-tweet sex positive information and messages to your own contacts.

2.  Support local activist groups by donating to fund raisers or donating your time.

3.  Support sex positive bloggers by promoting their blogs.  Tell your friends.  If you can and the option is there, make a small monetary donation to your favourite blogger.  If they have books for sale check them out.  If they have relevant content ads on their site, check those out.  Help them to keep doing what they do.

4.  Join a local activist or online group and participate in your local alternative sexuality community.

5.  Support recognition campaigns like World AIDS day, Pride Day/Week celebrations, etc.

6.  Find out what political candidates think, for example, around discrimination, sex education, inclusivity, etc. before you vote them in office.

7.  Educate yourself!  Join helpful websites like SexLifeCanada.  Learn about the issues and tell others.

8.  Participate in work place, school or community initiatives that promote inclusiveness of LGBTQ, sex education, tolerance, etc.  "Walk the talk" in your own day to day life.

There are degrees of activism open these days like never before.  Figure out what works for you - then do it!

Sex In Your Dreams

I've recently wondered about dream time sexuality.  Most people I know have had their share of naughty dreams.  I understand that dreams serve as an emotional outlet for us, helping us to restore our internal equilibrium when the outside world isn't meeting our needs, so it makes sense to me that erotic dreams occur when we need a release from sexual tension.  Straight forward erotic dreams are a nice way to spend a night!

I've had some incredible sexual experiences in my dream time.  Most of these of course coincided with a lengthy period of intense repression. (Thank heavens that's over!)  I've dreamed of being a temple priestess having sex with petitioners seeking the Goddess's help.  I've had raunchy sex with handsome swashbuckling strangers straight out of a fantasy adventure realm.  And one night, I dreamed of being naked and blindfolded at an elegant soiree, where I was the appetizer, so to speak, before the evening's kinky festivities.  I still get shivers when I think of that one.

Now that I'm out of the kinky closet, I have far fewer erotic dreams.  In one way I miss them and the role playing that these often involved.  I mean for a little while I got to be someone else or a younger version of myself in a different time in history and have sexual experiences that could not possibly happen in my real life.  So when I went searching the internet today for information relating to my chosen topic, I wasn't surprised to come across a site about erotic lucid dreaming.

According to Dream Studies http://dreamstudies.org/erotic-lucid-dreaming-exploring-sex-spirit/ owned by blogger Ryan Hurd, a member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, a person can truly learn to lucid dream and use this as a way to explore sexual fantasy.  Now before you click that link and stop reading, Dream Studies also points out that lucid dreaming takes practice and is not without its pitfalls.  But first, the highlights around lucid dreams!

Pleasure and Pain

I never considered myself to be a sadomasochist at all.  I mean who volunteers for pain or brings pain to another, right?  Sounds crazy, must be crazy, right? I remember the first time I saw an image of a bound woman, her breasts covered in clothespins.  I found it by accident - at this point I wouldn't have known what to be searching for.

I clicked the image and the short video clip began to play.  At first, I was repulsed by the apparent aggression of the clothed man in the video, but something in her face held me there.  I soon realized how aroused she actually was, how aroused they both were.  I was mesmerized.  I played it over and over and watched as the man slapped and spanked parts of her body, tormented her with clothespins and gave her his cock to suck.  At the end of the short clip, I saw them sitting together, laughing, talking about the "good time" they both had.  Go figure.  Maybe there was something pleasurable about a certain amount of pain.

I pondered this a while, searched and found more "information" on the internet and finally started to do some "experimenting" on my own.  There is a reason I am sentimental about clothespins.  They helped me discover how wonderful pleasure and pain can blend, in a controlled and measured manner, all on my own.

Last evening, J and I played a while.  It started off with some bare handed spanking - actually a lot of bare handed spanking.  When I was asked what else I might like, I asked for the crop.  There is something about the sound of the crop and the sensation it delivers to warmed-up skin that is very arousing for me.  So the play session continued and I began a lovely journey to my "happy place."  Then, J decided to do something a little different. 

I felt my legs pried apart and the head of the Hitachi wand pressed between them as I lay face down.  When the vibration started I jumped and then melted.  Blows continued to rain down on my thighs and ass.  I moaned as my body struggled to process the dual sensations.  As I got closer to orgasm, I heard my voice begging her for "more."  I groaned and writhed and "more" was quickly replaced with "harder".  I felt like I was soaring!

When I finally tumbled over the edge, I stopped thinking altogether and time slowed down.  Words ceased to flow in my mind.  I was aware of sensation and consciousness - nothing more.  As the waves started to subside, I tried to lift my head.  All I could do was turn my face.  A few minutes passed before I could finally roll over.  By now, J was sitting beside me, gently stroking my back and my hair.

I reached up and stroked her cheek, marvelling at what had just passed between us.  I thought back to her stories of beatings as a child and I marvelled even more.  To be loved so much by someone who has put her own ghosts aside to take me to such amazing places, to give me the gift of pleasure and pain, brought tears to my eyes.  So many feelings rolled through me as I looked into her smiling face.  The only words I could yet manage were "I love you."  I just hope that my eyes communicated the depth of meaning I intended those words to convey. 

Distance Dominance

As most of my readers already know, I am a sensualist, so many of you may be wondering where the heck today's post title has come from.

I have recently been stretching my Domme muscles with my Pet (with Lady's blessing). While we don't live too far away from each other, our respective work schedules and other commitments have limited our in-person play. I feel it is my obligation as his Keeper to challenge him and encourage his exploration as consistently as possible so that's where the idea of setting homework assignments came from and my foray into distance dominance began.

A short while back, I set an assignment where he was to engage in a little self-inflicted electrical play and to video the session. The result was a fifteen minute homemade video which I was able to review today. What started out as an attempt to be more consistent in supporting my Pet was surprisingly pleasant for me as well.

Firstly, I discovered I was thrilled to have seen how seriously he took the assignment. He was perfectly disciplined in how he approached the task. He began by speaking to me directly and explaining how far he had previously experimented with his electrical device. He used the tens pads on his abdomen so I would clearly see his abdominal muscles twitching in sync with the current being delivered to his CBT harness.

As he worked through the settings I could see he was struggling (successfully) to maintain his position in the chair so as not to ruin the camera angle for me. And as the setting on the unit changed, he maintained focus enough to provide the necessary explanation so I could easily follow what was happening.

Because Pet was alone while he was recording his assignment, there were moments when he became completely un-self-conscious and the sounds he made were delightful! At that moment I was as grateful for the sound quality as I was for the picture quality. I may not have been able to smell his hair, but remarkably I did feel like I was in the room with him.

I learned that in his effort to please me and complete his assignment dutifully, he had taken himself further than ever before and this was extremely gratifying. The smile he gave me at the end of the video showed he was equally pleased with his efforts. I was so very proud of him.

I would never have guessed that distance domination would be so rewarding...which reminds me, time to set another assignment!

A Different Sort of Orgasm

Sometimes I am guilty of being a little jaded and presume that I will not be so very surprised by my body's responses. After all, I've lived in this body almost half a century now. You'd think I'd already know what it is capable of experiencing or doing, right? Well last night, that assumption went right out the window.

J and I had been working on printing business cards, handouts for an upcoming presentation and the first draft of a book I'm writing. It was quite pleasant, the two of us working alongside one another, but there was nothing remotely sexual in nature going on. As the evening progressed and we returned to our respective laptops to continue individual work, I became distracted by an unusual tingling in my crotch. The tingling eventually built into a distracting buzz which I was trying to ignore as I had some things I wished to finish before bed.

By the time I turned the computer off, I was quite agitated. J suggested I take matters in hand to ensure a good night's rest. (Thoughtful of her, don't you think?) Anyway, after getting ready for bed, I settled in with the Hitachi wand. She joined me soon after to watch and encourage.

I had been expecting a quick and easy therapeutic orgasm. I was tired, my neck stiff from all the day's computer work and I was still feeling a little agitated. The waves of pleasure began building right away; however, they took the scenic route, so to speak. As each one built and slowly receded, more and more of my body became engaged. As they started to peak I expected a release, but instead plateaued. I took a short break from the wand and J stepped in to offer support. I remember thinking that I don't know what the female equivalent of "blue balls" is and I'm not so sure I want to find out.

I turned the wand back on and used a rolling motion instead of holding it in one spot. I suddenly recalled some advice given at a sexuality workshop I attended years ago and decided to use it. I began to bear down with my Kegels in a rhythmic manner and the sensations it generated were amazing! Suddenly I wondered, is this how a man feels when he is pushing into a woman? The movement engaged my internal muscles and my lower abdomen, which visibly flexed with each push. I kept it up as the waves grew stronger.

When I finally crashed over the edge, I expected for the sensations to become too intense as they sometimes do when I tighten the muscles in my body close to orgasm. Instead, I was able to ride the wave even though it was quite intense and the waves went on and on and on. I have N-E-V-E-R had an orgasm go on like this one did. I wailed like a banshee!

Afterwards, I was incoherent for a while. I don't know how much time passed before I could utter more than a single word. I was in awe of the journey that I had just taken. For a few moments during the peak I think my consciousness was truly somewhere else. J stuck close to me, stroking my stomach and purring to me until I could sit up.

Before I fell asleep I wondered what had happened to make this climax so amazing. To be honest, I can't say I really know. What I do know, is the bar has now been set higher than ever before and I can't wait to try again!
 

A Great End to Monday

I don't know about you, but sometimes life gets hectic and the first thing that usually goes on the back burner is my sex life. Now this isn't intentional of course, the day speeds up, work gets demanding and the work day lengthens and by the time I get home, I'm zonked. Add in a few chores, checking in with family and I can barely keep my eyes open. Lately the absence of decent summer weather has resulted in an outdoor frenzy when we do get a few sunny days in a row, which only further cuts into my energy reserves.

Yesterday, nature intervened and called timeout following a very hectic weekend. Both of us had a chance to relax after supper so when 9:30 p.m. rolled around we were making eyes at each other and noises about spanking and other such fun.

My favourite position to receive a spanking is lying face down across my bed. I think this stems from all the hours I've spent on the massage table - I expect a certain amount of discomfort but know in the end that it will be more than worth it, so my body tends to be more relaxed and ready for the slip into an endorphin-induced bliss. I sighed deeply as J's efforts pushed me over that edge and my entire body began to hum. For a moment I tried to recall when I had last slipped into this state and couldn't.

When the impact play stopped, I was handed the hitachi wand. J loves to watch me orgasm. Apparently I put on a bit of a performance, but having never actually seen it, I can only report her comments. Lucky for me, this is one of her kicks and I love to perform for her.

I guess because it had been a while since I climaxed amid an endorphin-induced haze, I was surprised at how very pleasant the experience was. Often, after a period of abstinence, my orgasms are quite intense, sharp and narrow in focus and it is almost too uncomfortable to ride the wave for long. But last night, while it built quickly, the sensations spread deep inside me and engaged almost every area she had touched. The waves were strong, but it was as if the edges had been rounded, enabling me to stay with them and ride them all the way to the beach, so to speak, without tensing my body as I usually do. I think that may be why the orgasm lasted as long as it did. Afterwards, the bottoms of my feet and the top of my head tingled. My body felt rejuvenated and the aches and pains for the day had vanished. It was the best I'd felt in weeks.

I looked up at J and stretched out my hand and caressed her face. She takes me places I have never been before and last night did that again. At moments like that, words are so inadequate so after several attempts to convey the depth of my gratitude and love, I just smiled at her as tears of joy ran down my cheeks.

Not surprisingly, we both slept soundly and deeply last night. When I opened my eyes this morning, my first thought was to re-arrange my to-do list for the rest of the week so we can play again tonight!

Analyzing the Orgasm

Today I googled "female orgasms types" and was rewarded with 832,000 hits.  Thankfully I hit pay dirt on the first page of results and discovered a YouTube video featuring Lou Paget in which I learned that women are capable of ten types of orgasms while men are capable of eight.  I've put the link here so you can check it out yourself.

http://youtu.be/tsdbPK2niKw

This led to a search for Lou Paget's website which I found at:   http://loupaget.com/

According to her website, Lou Paget is a member of the American Association of Sex Educators and Certified Therapists and

"... a grassroots researcher whose quest for accurate, practical information for herself has created a highly successful international seminar and product company with a focus on lifestyle and cultural trends that impact our sexuality, health, and relationships..."
She has written numerous books and is a well respected international speaker and researcher.  Her approach to her subject matter is frank, honest and accessible.  Besides writing, researching and presenting, she is now developing her own sex toys product line.

The YouTube video was my first introduction to Lou Paget.  I found her to be engaging and informative speaker on the various types of orgasm that men and women are capable of experiencing.

"And why do we fall Master Bruce?"

Earlier this week, I re-watched "Batman Begins".  The post title is a line from the movie.  The answer to this question, of course, is "so we can learn to pick ourselves back up again."  I think that's where I am today - dusting myself off, straightening my clothes, maybe repairing a few tears in the fabric.

If there is a silver lining to the dark clouds that recently overtook our home, it is the opportunity to discover how wonderful friends can be.  I had some lovely texts and messages from friends, expressing their concerns and asking how they could help.  I have to confess that my heart filled and the tears flowed as I read them.  I am so blessed to have these folks in my life.

I'm feeling a little cautious still, but my sense of humour has returned as the upheaval in my family begins to settle.  Wounds will be tended, bruises nursed, and timeout rules will apply until we are all back on an even keel.  Even the dogs sense a shift in the energy and are far more relaxed today.

If the weather cooperates, I will likely be outdoors in my garden this evening.  I find gardening takes the edge off many of life's issues.  If it rains (again!) perhaps I'll break out the rope and try and learn a few more knots. 

Time to go back to work.

The Day After the Night Before

I managed to get through the first half of the work day without being too distracted and am home for lunch.  I have the house to myself as the other half is in the city.  The quiet here is soothing.  The only sounds are a lone crow cawwing outside, distant traffic sounds and the ticking of the kitchen clock.

I feel punchy today and a little strung out.  Dark thoughts often leave me feeling that way. Before I came out, I felt like this a lot.  I can't say that I'm overwrought.  I don't work that way.  Sometimes, I cope with strong feelings by putting them in a jar and standing back and looking at them.  This lets me function and get through my day without too much grief.  I'm a little shorter on patience, but can usually keep it together.  But this day is turning into a reminder of where I once was and no longer want to be.  Right now, I feel somewhat dead inside.  The silence in my chest weighs heavy on me.

I seriously debated about whether or not to post what I wrote last night.  I made my decision while in the bathroom this morning.  This blog was originally started as an outlet for my thoughts, to give them form and bring them into reality instead of letting them languish in my own head.  So not all my thoughts are delightfully insightful or entertaining.  My readers can cope - they're all grown ups.

I went back to my FL profile and made a few small changes.  Not sure what I thought that would accomplish but it seemed like a place to start.  I guess it's my attempt at compromise.  I have to be able to live with myself as I try to continue moving forward. 

Anyway, lunch is over.  More later.

Dark Thoughts

Tonight, I am struggling within myself. 
On the one hand, I feel I am growing and becoming more myself every day.  On the other hand, I fear that in becoming more myself I risk hurting those I love most.  I have seen those I love struggle to accept who I continue to become. I have seen concern and fear in their eyes as they mouthed the words we both wanted to believe. 

Knots and Rope

I decided to practice a little tonight and try combining some of the knots and things I've learned so far.  Lady graciously agreed to be my rope model.  Here are some pictures of the evening's efforts.

Body harness featuring Prosperity Knot and Chinese Coin Knots.

Same harness, back view.

Monkey Fist Knot - Swings like a pendulum, good weight to it...

Rope Class

The interest yesterday's rope class was so high, we ended up attending the Sunday morning class.  While the group size was smaller, this was ideal for me.  Our gracious hostess and instructor had yards of wonderful hemp rope which I started fondling almost immediately.  I could not get over how much nicer it felt in my hands compared to the rope I have been using!

She gave us a brief introduction to rope bondage origins, describing differences in Japanese and Western styles.  She spent considerably longer talking about safety.  Bondage done wrong can result in serious injury.  Some points were fairly straight forward; for example:

• Always have safety shears on hand.
• Ensure you are able to give your rope bottom your full attention at all times.

Knot Knight: The Prequel

There are a couple of rope workshops coming up this weekend in the nearby city compliments of a kinkster who will be visiting the area. They are generating a lot of interest within my local group. I imagine I am not the only local kinkster playing with rope this evening and watching rope tutorials posted by Two Knotty Boys. http://www.knottyboys.com/code/index.php

I made my first harness tonight. Nothing too fancy for sure - just a few Chinese Coin knots, half hitches and some Girl Guide improvisation. (Who knew all those knot tying exercises and macramé classes would ever come in handy again.) Lady was kind enough to act as my model however pictures weren't in the cards. I will get a chance to practice more this weekend and hope to post pictures afterwards.

Tear Drop Knot, Chinese Coin and Prosperity Knot

I've discovered I am quite fascinated by knots. This isn't too surprising though. About ten years ago I had a phase where I was drawing a lot of Celtic knot work and as knitter I have always loved cables. Tonight I tried a few of the knot tutorials and was hooked.

The first one I took on was the Chinese Coin (top right) as it is a common knot used in simple harnesses. I discovered that the key was to watch the video closely and let my fingers work on their own (much like keeping your eyes on the sheet music and not on the keyboard).

Next I tried the Tear Drop Knot (top left) just because it looked so pretty. (I know, not practical but who says everything has to be practical right?) This one took a few tries to get the tension just right, but on the third try, I got it to work.

The challenge of the night was the Prosperity Knot (bottom). This one was challenging. First I had to tie my rope to the back of the chair and let it hang down. This let me use the ears of the chair to hold the rope ends when I didn't need them. I was a solid half hour before I got this one figured out. There was one step that I had to keep going back over because it seemed to shoot by too quickly. I did spend a while looking at this one as I worked, hunting for the rhythm or pattern. My patience paid off and I did get it to work.

This will definitely not be my last post about knot work. 

My Love of Clothespins

As many readers will already know, the lowly clothespin was my first pervertable.  Before I was officially out of the closet, I enjoyed a little self-stimulation with a set of small sized household wooden clothespins on a semi-regular basis. 

Then I found a set of plastic clothespins with flattened, rubber coated tips.  They gave a very different sensation and definitely stayed where you put them.  I liked them better as they grabbed a good chunk of flesh rather than just pinched a very small space.  Clothespins are so very versatile and can be attached almost anywhere there is an appropriately sized appendage or some give in the flesh.

They are great for nipple play, especially starting out.  The trick is to shop for clothespins with different spring strength, tip design and overall size.  The greater the surface area grabbed by the pin, the more bearable I find it.  They will sting less at the outset but their pinch can become quite delicious over time.

They are easy to apply and remove which makes them great for solo play.  Depending on the type of clothespin, the act of removal can be its own unique activity.  (Can we say "zipper" anyone?)  They are inexpensive, can be purchased inconspicuously at the local dollar store, are easy to hide in plain sight and come in a wide variety of materials and textures. 

My latest acquisition (shown in the picture) is compliments of two friends who decided I shouldn't do without.  Remember my post from last Saturday?  Friends showed me a can of two dozen miniature clothespins procured at the local Chapters outlet.  Well, yesterday they gave them to me as a "just because" sort of gift.  I have a play date coming up and am looking forward to seeing what sort of mischief I can get into with them!