Research + Prostate Massage + Practice = Anal Orgasm

I have a new interest. My curiosity has recently been piqued regarding prostate massage/milking.

According to what I've learned so far, massaging a man's prostate is akin to massaging a woman's g-spot. This sort of prostate stimulation can produce a different but extremely pleasurable orgasm for a man. It is even possible for a man to experience multiple orgasms, though ejaculation will not happen every time. Apparently penile stimulation is not necessary to achieve orgasm by this method.

Most sites I've visited thus far (and common sense) suggest this should be approached carefully. Having been at the receiving end of a less than pleasant anal-first myself, I entirely agree. Anal penetration, like vaginal penetration, takes some getting used to even if the body is built to accommodate it.

It is helpful if the lower bowel and rectum are empty. Finger nails must be short, gloves are recommended and sufficient lubricant is required. And a little anal foreplay is encouraged - in this case, massaging the perineum (the are between the testicles and the anus). A little body massage will also help the man to relax.

Experimenting with body positions is suggested. The aim is for both parties to be comfortable and to facilitate proper insertion. Insertion of a well lubricated finger should be done slowly and carefully. Once the finger is in a about an inch, it should be directed upward along the rectum wall. The goal is to locate a small bulge of tissue near the base of the penis on the inside. The prostate has a groove down the centre separating a right and left lobe. Bending the finger in a "come here" gesture, use the pad of the fingertip to gently massage the prostate.

The finger is curled upward toward the navel. This got me thinking that the man should be lying on his back with his legs parted and elevated. (Bondage ideas come rushing to the fore!) This also promotes a face-to-face interaction and encourages verbal and nonverbal communication.

Sources I found online suggest that sometimes during prostate massage, a man will experience what feels like the urge to urinate. This is the result of the massage as opposed a need to go (if the bladder and bowel were emptied beforehand, that is.) Pressing directly on the prostate when the man is close to orgasm will likely push him over the edge and create very pleasurable sensations.

Most sources urged patience. If there is any pain, sources recommend slowing down or if necessary stopping entirely. Gentle movements are recommended as undue force could results in bleeding or damage. If a person experiences any bloody discharge afterwards or any lingering discomfort, medical attention should be sought immediately.

Cautions aside, the potential payoff for both partners here is huge. For the receiver, a mind-blowing orgasm combined with surrender of a most intimate part of the body. For the giver, a chance to deliver immense pleasure to someone who is showing the great trust and submission. A very heady combination indeed!

For a very brief video example of prostate massage during sex, check out:
http://www.youporn.com/watch/64167/prostate-massage/

For a more indepth overview from a tantric perspective, check out:
http://www.howcast.com/videos/172520-How-To-Give-a-Sensual-Prostate-Massage

Evolving Relationships

This weekend, I picked up Pet on Saturday evening and he spent the better part of two days and nights with me and my partner.  The three of us joke about how he has become a part of our “pack,” but that’s exactly what seems to be happening.  He is part of the family now and we look forward to our time together. 

I can’t say if our arrangement is common or not, as I really don’t have a point of comparison.  It has evolved over a period of months as we have gotten to know one another.  We have taken things slowly and been as sensitive as possible to each other’s aspirations and fears.  We have been respectful of each other’s limits and approached new things with an open mind.  We recognize that all three of us are experiencing personal growth in the midst of our collective relationship and that we all aren’t in the same “place” at the same time. 

This weekend was spent labouring on the studio/play space we are building next to our home.  There was little time actually spent in play overall, but this was the longest time we’ve spent in each other’s company.  I am still amazed at how natural it feels.

I can’t speak about how it is for them, but I have never felt as nurtured and loved as I do when we are together even doing mundane things like working outdoors or watching a movie.  It is the way we share a joke between us, or make a comment that only the other two would understand.  I feel I am the connection between them and the reason we share more than typical friendship.  These two beautiful people have graciously consented let me share aspects of myself with them as individuals, and together, and have built their own friendship as well. 

It is humbling, empowering and uplifting to be loved in such a way.  My life has never been as rich and full as it is at this moment.

Mystery Picture

A while ago on a fan forum for a certain author, the following picture was posted as a banner under one member's posts on said forum.   Shortly after that, the forum had to remove any "questionable" content and images due to stipulations made by the free server and this was one that disappeared.  I don't normally copy other people's pictures, but had wanted to show the image to someone without having to go back online to do so. 

I was quite taken with the subject's body tension and facial expression the first time I saw the image.  It is certainly not overtly explicit as all the naughty bits are tucked out of sight, but I find it quite appealing.  The arch of the model's back, the tension in his body, hand reaching between his legs, closed eyes and open mouth scream of ecstasy.  The longer I look at the picture, the more pronounced its impact on my own equilibrium.  You can't look at it and not think of those moments when you, yourself, have been completely overcome and riding the wave of release.  Delicious!

Wondering if any reader out there knows where it originated.  If you do, please let me know so I can give proper credit to both the photographer and the gentleman in question, and say "thank you" for the smile I'm left with every time I look at it.

Interviewed by SexLifeCanada!

I've been interviewed by SexLife Canada!  Check it out at:

http://sexlifecanada.ca/canada/national-sexlife-journal/blogger-any-other-name-rosa-nomore

Sacred Kink

I was played out today when I arrived home - blood sugar was ebbing and my brain was overloaded with too many conflicting priorities and deadlines.  Once upon a time I'd have stayed at work until I dropped and then convinced myself that whatever I managed to produce in that state would be acceptable. These days I cut my losses and go home to rejuvenate and make a sensible plan of attack for the next day.  I felt validated for my decision when I saw what was waiting for me at home.

In today's mail, the first of two books I recently ordered had arrived:  Spirit of Desire: Personal Explorations of Sacred Kink edited by Lee Harrington.  I've only just begun reading it and already I'm moved to write about it. 

Lee Harrington's preface serves as a portal of sorts, preparing the reader for journey ahead.  In fourteen paragraphs, he weaves a tapestry of images and ideas selected from the thirty three "slices of autobiography" contained in the book he has edited.   The experience of editing these very personal stories appears to have been equally profound for him:

"Slices of autobiography filled me with hope.  Glimpses of glamour from lives hard lived shook me to tears.  Dreams of desires painted their way across my brow and I felt myself renewed with possibility."  p. xii

How's that for an opening?

Story telling is a powerful exercise in which human experience is illuminated and individual wisdom is shared.  In the first several chapters of this anthology, I've already been offered windows into very personal, spiritual and profoundly moving experiences of people who practise BDSM.  But more than that, the stories offer language and imagery for the epiphanies that many kinksters have likely experienced but been at a loss to name and describe.

The first truth that jumped off the page was how it about much more than sexual satisfaction.  That's easy enough to say, but the statement in no way conveys the deep soul connection that many experience.  Now contrast it with these two passages:

"I have swallowed your heart, your sacred fire/ I feel you burning deep inside." p. 15

"It was exactly what I had been longing for from my sexual experiences, that elusive place of focus that I had sometimes touched but not been able to sustain, those moments when I was so deeply in my body that my mind was quiet and I was just feeling and being.  Sweet, delicious surrender." p. 3

Feel the difference?

Anyway, time to get back to reading this wonderful book.  To order your own copy or to check out other books by Lee Harrington, go to: http://passionandsoul.com/

Watching Home Movies

Last night I spent a while reviewing the video recorded during a recent play session.  I still can't get used to seeing myself on our 42" Sony, let alone in the role of gleeful sadist.  It's no wonder video is used for coaching purposes in sports.  It shows you exactly what you did or did not do and offers you a different reference point - that of the third person observer. 

I knew we laughed a lot during our play session, but I hadn't realized the number of times I shrieked out of pure delight.  Lady called them my "Mad Hatter" moments.  She thought them most effective in keeping my Pet on his toes.  I smiled almost continuously - hadn't realized that either.  My face was quite animated throughout.  I was truly in my "happy place" as I tormented my dear Pet.  And the conversation between us was almost non-stop and damn funny at times too.

The video also helped me to single out Pet's responses to different things.  I watched to see what made him clench his hands, curl his toes or bite his lip.  I also took note of the order in which I did different things and what seemed to elicit a greater response.  Neither of us seemed that aware of the camera.  I was pleased by how natural the interaction between us seemed and by the chemistry evident on screen. 

It was a different sort of pleasure re-experiencing that play session, but a pleasure nonetheless.

Synchronicities: What do rhesus monkies and Stephanie Myers have in common?

Okay, I know I'm on the right track when my blog posts cross over nicely with articles in the Utne Reader.  Check out this article on 21st Century Sex:

http://www.utne.com/Mind-Body/21st-Century-Sex-Ogi-Ogas-Sai-Gaddam.aspx

Cheers!

Wanton Wednesday and Other Erotic Thoughts

In an attempt to get into the spirit of things, I started this morning off by hitting my snooze alarm twice and cuddling up to my Hitachi Wand. What a lovely way to start the day!

I've been reading paranormal erotic romances again lately and have been thinking about the draw of the supernatural hero. Woman of all stripes seem to be drawn to vampiric heroes and demon hunters of various sorts. Of course, it helps to identify as least in part with the lead female character/romantic interest. But even when this is not the case, it is easy enough to slip into a voyeuristic mode while reading and vicariously experience a little forbidden pleasure.

What is it about supernatural males that make them so erotically appealing? On a superficial level, such heroes are often described as stylish predators who favour tailored clothing in a GQ or bad-boy sort of way. They live in castles, penthouses or rugged isolated cabins. They often demonstrate strict adherence to a code of conduct and have impeccable manners, when it suits them. They often have a tragic story of their own that is laced with solitude, loss and loneliness. Often they are warriors and are skilled at martial arts and other forms of combat. There is an effortless athleticism or warrior-like grace infused in their most mundane actions. It's as if you can smell the pheromones rising from the page!

The danger associated with the circumstances of the story ramps up the stakes and the adrenaline, and helps provide a context in which a "nice girl" can rationalize taking a walk on the wild side. Even though the characters may have only just met, we are willing to suspend judgement and accept as perfectly reasonable the immediate sexual tension and willingness of the characters to act on it. Often our own sexual response is easily triggered. When the lead character slips a finger inside the heroine, we experience muscular contraction and a sympathetic burning in our own body.

I think these characters appeal to the animal that lives inside us. On some level I think every person has predatory capacities, especially where lust is concerned. We may not agree with or act on it in most circumstances, but we certainly recognize and can be aroused by it. The characters in paranormal romance dare to act on impulses, in situations and in ways that most of us dare not. Such forbidden fruit can provide an intoxicating reading experience, and because it is couched in the realm of fantasy, poses little threat to our image of ourselves. After all, these paperbacks don't have any naughty pictures in them - how bad can we be for loving them the way we do? Some series featuring supernatural heroes and heroines keep the sex fairly vanilla while others step freely and naturally into the realm of BDSM. But in all of these stories, the draw is the same - the danger, the lack of inhibitions and boundaries that would normally govern behaviour unleash the animal inside the characters and to a degree, inside of us.

And so erotica and bondage find their way onto the shelves in stores and into the shopping carts on line. No brown paper wrappers or explanations are required. You can get your fix on the subway, during your lunch break or while the kids are working on their homework in the same family room. It's about the safest and easiest sort of sexual fantasy there is. All you have to do is go along for the ride.

But when the story is over, the kids are in bed and you are listening to your partner sleep, your mind may wander back to the story, to the images of the characters you created in your mind. You may indulge in a little fantasizing and bedtime masturbation to relieve the tension remaining in your own body. Or maybe, with a little luck, perhaps one or two of the characters will visit you company in your dreams.

Have a great Wanton Wednesday!

Validation in the Strangest Places

Yesterday I attended a funeral. I didn't know the lady for whom everyone had gathered, but I went in support of one of her grand-daughters with whom I work. As funerals go it was touching. The lady in question was well loved and had lived a long and full life. Since I wasn't caught up in the emotions, I found myself listening to the words being spoken and sung. It got me thinking about what I believe.

Now you might wonder what in the world any of this has to do with sexuality and kink. Today as I sang along to the familiar hymns, participating but remaining apart, I realized that the choices I have recently made are very much connected to the things I believe. I believe that we are spiritual beings having experiences on this physical plane. By virtue of the fact that we are spiritual beings, each of us carries a spark of the divine. I believe that sexual expression is an important part of the physical and emotional experiences in this life.

But as I listened to the words being spoken aloud, I found myself wondering if generations of theologians may have at least partially missed the point? What if Jesus hadn't died for us in the literal sense? What if it was to exemplify sacrifice and surrender? Considering he was regarded to be a political rabble-rouser in his day, giving himself up was indeed a sacrifice. Surrendering to a greater will, enduring physical pain and maintaining the capacity to love is what I saw when I looked at the icon over the altar.

Consider a few words from a commonly quoted prayer, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." If we already have that divine spark, is it any wonder that we sometimes seek experiences that enable us to step outside of our everyday life, to surrender to the will of another, to process pain in a different way and yet maintain our regard for our partner?  Could there be something inherently spiritual or soul-satisfying in this sort of experience making it worthy of pursuing?  We who practice BDSM know the answer to this.

I'm not suggesting that an inclination for BDSM is an expression of any particular set religious beliefs. The heathens have an expression, "as above, so below." Other traditions embrace the use of flagellation or other physical trials to induce an ecstatic state. What I mean is that surrender is an entirely natural state to pursue as a human, and BDSM is a way to experience this. Some people choose sports, some choose meditation,and some choose deep muscle massage.  The method is as varied as the people choosing them, but the pursuit of the experience is very human.

Who would have thought I'd find validation normalizing BDSM as I participated in a Catholic funeral?

Toys for Male Submissives

This evening I find myself scouring the internet for different sorts of toys for use with male submissives.  I'm beginning to realize the sheer variety of options out there.  My Pet is always adding to his toy bag and I've been impressed with the different types of toys he has purchased.  I've decided it's time to educate myself and expand my own shopping list.

One of my favourites is called the Little Devil.  Pet has one and I make good use of it when I can. It is a compact hand held electrical toy featuring two spikes which when they make contact with the skin can deliver a mild to moderate electric shock. The beauty of this little gadget is it's portability. You can tie up your play partner and then use the Little Devil to add variety to your sensation play. It can get into tighter places which makes it ideally suited for CBT. It's at the top of my shopping list for new toys.  You can see it yourself at http://www.sextoy.com/prod_info.php?a=sextoycom&pnum=CNVAX-m-dj

Tonight I discovered something by accident - an anal plug harness for men - at JT's Stockroom.  http://www.stockroom.com/Anal-Plug-Harness-for-Men-P322.aspx  It has a built-in "plug pouch" to fit most average sized butt plugs or dildos and a 2" nickel-plated cock-ring in the front.  Featuring three buckles, it is highly adjustable as well. 

The harness is demonstrated by an attractive model with a great behind.  You can't look at this picture and not have naughty thoughts!  Perhaps a male slave might wear this with cuffs and collar while at home while he sees to his Mistress's needs.  Gentlemen, just imagine accompanying your Mistress to the grocery store, pushing the cart along while this leather harness holds a butt plug in your ass and corrals your cock with its shiny 2" ring.  Ladies, think of how the leather would rub against his skin, maybe chafing a little in the creases.  Consider how the cock ring keeps his package nicely displayed under his pants while the anal plug flexes in his ass, reminding him of his submission with every step.  Hell, it's even fun to write about this!

This won't be the last post about toys for male submissives.  My exploration has only just begun!

Wanton Wednesday and Other HIghlights

Okay, I see my blogger friends working their way through the week days like this so I thought I'd finally give it a try.  I arrived home from work today a little later than expected, but determined to indulge my naughty streak in honour of Wanton Wednesday.  I changed my clothes but ensured my black bra and panties were under my after-work clothes, I freshened up and then disappeared into our bedroom.  I peeled off the top layer of clothes, stretched myself across the bed, then called out and told her my mouth was waiting for her. 

I have a bit of an oral fixation.  I love to eat and am quite vocal in my appreciation of taste and texture.  It stands to reason that I find oral sexual activities equally enjoyable.  I love kissing -  I mean really kissing.  I love it when my lover plunders my mouth with hers.  I love nibbling on her lips and lightly biting her neck.  There is something exotic about tracking the stages of your lover's arousal using your mouth.  Gauging her desire by taste and texture: the intimacy is a real turn on for me.  Makes me fluttery every time!

It has been an eventful day besides my afterwork high jinx.  I just ordered a lovely collar from Aislinn's Erotic Jewels http://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/studio/aislinnseroticjewels This time it is not for me, but for someone very special to me.  While he is my Pet, Lady is also very fond of him and is pleased that we are moving in this direction.   

The collar is a helm's weave featuring anodized and polished aluminum rings.  Aislinn does lovely work so it was a natural choice to go back to her to find a suitable collar.

I showed him the picture today and he seems to be quite pleased.  I have time to consider how to present him with this gift.  It should be a memorable event for both of us. 

I have been counting my blessings today.  I have a Lady who sees all of me, understands and loves me. She is the brightest light in my life.   My Pet is a delightful young man with a beautiful spirit.  I have good friends who honour me with their stories. 

Life truly is good.

Doesn't Every Woman Want Her Own Den?

When we started out, it was going to be a garden shed. Then I thought, it should be a little bigger and have a storage loft. Then we talked about putting in windows and a steel door, having it wired and before you know it, it had become a studio space for me. This has been a long held dream of mine - to have a dedicated studio space for my hobbies, separate from the house, so I can leave projects in progress and steal an hour here or there whenever the urge takes me. To have a room of my own (move over Virginia Woolf), a den for my own pleasures will truly be a luxury.

Then I started thinking about how I could perv this space to make it truly multi-functional in a kinky sort of way. At the moment, there is no room in our house that can be dedicated to play and if we aren't in the bedroom, the living room is the only other option. This usually means playing late at night and praying no one drops by unexpectedly. If the studio could be set up so the space was truly flexible, we thought maybe it could become a play space.

Over the weekend we set the floor in place, framed, sheeted and erected walls, set the beams in place for the loft floor and sheeted it in. Next come the roof rafters and sheeting. I'm expecting it will take most of the fall before it is ready for any sort of kinkiness, but today as I stood in the loft; my mind was filled with ideas.

One of the first things we did was double up two of the loft floor beams. This will allow for some strategically placed eye-bolts. I'm also considering running some copper piping around the perimeter so I can hang blackout curtains to cover the shelving, walls and doors. This will enable me to neutralize the space for photography and play sessions, and ensure privacy.

The back wall will be about 240 cubic feet of storage space. There will be shelving, a place to keep a massage table, to hang up toys and keep them hidden. There will also be room for my hobby supplies. I hope to construct fold-down gate leg work tables. The plan is to keep as much floor space open as possible.

I shall keep you posted as the project progresses. In the meantime, I shall continue to dream of the possibilities!

Exploring my CBT preferences

We've been in the process of building what started out to be a shed.  As we began work clearing the site, we decided we will insulate and electrify it and sha-bang!  It morphed into a storage building and studio for me.  Of course, from that point, perving it was a forgone conclusion.  Now it will be my little studio-meditation space-dungeon-retreat and all in a twelve by twelve foot story and a half structure.  I am over the moon!  Today ended with the subfloor completed, four walls framed, sheeted and wrapped.  Tomorrow we start on the loft floor and roof rafters.  All my pleasures and vices will soon be housed under a single gabled roof!

In between the shed-frenzy and regular work days, I managed to squeeze in a play session with my Pet.  Once again, I learned new things.  More importantly I learned that some of these new things are quickly becoming some of my favourite things!  I've mentioned before that I quite enjoy CBT and the effect it has on my dear Pet.  Most recently, I am learning where my preferences lie with respect to CBT. 

I like to work on the areas around the cock and balls during the early stages of the session to generally increase sensitivity and blood flow.  Pull the penis downward and work on the padded area just above it with a wooden spoon for a while and watch what happens.  Then pull the balls upward and do the same to the sweet spot between the base of the scrotum and the anus.  Working on the upper thighs close to the cock and balls is also effective.  These areas can take a good slap and the noise generated alone plus the physical shock will be effective, but it takes a moment for it to register that you didn't actually strike the family jewels with that blow.  It stings like hell and he will start to anticipate where the next blow will land. Of course, at that point, it's time for him to close his eyes. (Wicked aren't I.)

Once the cock and balls and surrounding area are sensitized, I like grasping the scrotum firmly and pulling the balls away from the groin area slightly, squeezing until the balls are pushed up tight the sac walls.  There is something amazing about holding a man's scrotum in your clenched fist as you look into his eyes.  Recently I pulled out Pet's Wartenburg Wheel and the mere weight of the wheel and its prongs against Pet's tender bits elicited some amazing sounds.  Pet said later this was unexpected and "intense."  I love it when the subtler movements provoke such a rewarding response!

Given a choice between a ball crusher and a humbler, I'd choose the humbler. My reasons are simple: once the crusher is in place, only the penis remains available for touch whereas with the humbler everything remains accessible. That's not to say that the crusher doesn't have its place. I can see using it if I had someone restrained and wanted to keep him entertained while I prepared our next amusement. The humbler pulls the balls down and back behind the legs while the sub is kneeling, effectively creating a miniature set of "cheeks" immediately below the butt. Besides looking utterly adorable, it provides endless amusement for tickling, slapping, scratching and other types of sensation play.


The humbler also provides other opportunities. For example, by spreading the sub's knees, you are able to kneel behind him, circle his waist with your right arm and then lean forward, supporting yourself with your left arm, so you are covering his back with your body. This is in turn will push him down slightly, increasing the pressure exerted by the humbler. Imagine one dog humping another and you can easily imagine the positioning; very physically dominant and absolutely heady from my perspective. <grin>

One of my favourite ways to end a play session; however, involves no fancy toys at all.  I sit on the floor, with my back braced against a flat surface, and have Pet lay across my lap, face down. My right hand can torment or stroke his ass, thighs, cock and balls while my left hand can pull his hair, stroke his face or grasp his throat.  I find the combination of naughty and nice to be delicious. 

Of course, once the "shed" is finished, a whole new range of possibilities will open up and I've already been fantasizing about how I hope to perv it.  Stay tuned for a post about that in the near future!