I spent much of the afternoon in my garden, digging weeds, transplanting things and generally puttering around. I didn't really have an agenda. I wanted to be outdoors and have some time to think. There is nothing like the smell of warming earth and well-rotted compost to keep me grounded while I spin dreams and explore my own thoughts.
This weekend has been eventful, and not just because of the play party. When I arrived on Saturday to take him out for coffee, he let me know he had something to discuss with me. It seems my dear Pet has been considering a new play partner. I had made it plain to him from the outset of our relationship that I would have no issue with this; however, before he set up their first session, he wanted to talk to me about it. He outlined how events had transpired and "confessed" that this time he would not be in a submissive role.
I told him I was genuinely happy for him and shook his hand welcoming him to the world of switchiness. I wasn't surprised by the turn of events. I told him he was a sensualist and that I figured it was only a matter of time before he would want to explore from the other end of the flogger.
For a moment, after he first told me what was happening he searched my face as he waited for me to respond, almost as if he was looking for any sign of upset. I had paused for a moment to see if I harbored any jealousy, but honestly couldn't feel any. I recall thinking "I guess I am truly poly-amorous after all! Yay me!" I reminded him he should know that I of all people understand there is room in a heart for more than one person at a time.
I was a little surprised by my own reaction. I was actually quite excited for him and it showed. My curiosity was definitely piqued as well. I made it plain that it is not my intention to pry nor do I expect him in any way to compromise the privacy of his new partner, I was hoping that he would be willing to share his own reactions and perceptions as he embarks on this new path. He agreed.
I have watched with pride over the past year as this wonderful young man has grown and expanded. Of course, I like to think I've been a positive influence, by providing him with new experiences, encouraging his curiosity, letting him see himself through my eyes, and showing him the influence he has had on me. He is my delightful play partner, my loving Pet and my trusted friend. This is an unusual combination and I feel blessed.
I know that nothing in life stays the same and change, however challenging, is preferable to stagnation. This belief has sustained me through some of toughest times in my life. Sometimes I've fought against growth and change only to have my belief ultimately reinforced as parts of me wasted away and I suffered the consequences of stagnation.
I found this quote today and it beautifully captures the spirit of what I mean:
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
Learning to embrace change and the opportunities inherent there, to set aside my fears and be open to new possibilities is how I came to finally acknowledge my kinky nature. It has also gotten me through divorce, bankruptcy and a host of other major life events. This weekend it is helping me to genuinely support my Pet and experience compersion . And you know what? Compersion really feels marvelous.
After we finished our discussion, Pet and I did go out for coffee before he had to head off to work. We ended up at Starbucks, sitting on a sofa, shoulder to shoulder, facing a fire place, sipping our lattes. Pet made a remark that he felt like a dirty old man given the age difference between him and his new play partner. I teased him and said, "welcome to my world!" We joked about "cougars" and "silver foxes" and had a marvelous time. Later that evening at the play party our good time continued.
I heard from him today and true to his word, he gave me a glimpse into his new experience while respecting his new partner's privacy. I couldn't help but smile as I read through the message and that warm, fuzzy feeling returned.
As I write this post I can't help but marvel at the whole thing.