Milestones: Post Number 200

It's hard to believe that this is my 200th post!  I've spent the past week mulling over what this one should be about, which is why it hasn't been written sooner. While I'm pleased to have reached this milestone, there is something mildly intimidating about it as well.  I think this feeling stems from my current state of mind.  I feel like I'm at a cross roads of sorts with this blog. Let me explain.

When my journey of self discovery began, I had no idea where the path would take me.  I started this blog as a personal journal.  I hoped of course that others might read it and find something comforting, if not useful here. Hence most of the entries have been less about titillation and more about reflection, story telling and information sharing.  Nearly 57000 page views later, I feel comfortable saying that at least some folks have enjoyed the content posted to date.

In the past six months or so, my exploration has focused more upon my D/s relationship with my Pet and on my sadistic leanings, with a little bondage thrown in for good measure.  First and foremost, I am a sensualist and I expect that theme to continue.  I still identify as a switch, but the pull towards domination and sadism/masochism these days feels stronger.



For example, Pet and I recently had a play session where I pulled out the Little Devil and I'd shock him and then zap myself.  It became a game actually.  I'd go, "One for you and one for me!"  He'd wince and I'd laugh.  I've embraced CBT with a passion.  And when Pet growls, shivers or spontaneously refers to me as "goddess", his responses feed a part of me that I didn't know existed.  A year ago I could not have anticipated anything like this or how these things would make me feel.

And I want more.

So instead of focusing on planning for my retirement like many women my age:

• I'm getting ready to co-host a play party next weekend with another female dominant.
• I have lost seven pounds and am working towards regaining some of the strength and flexibility I had ten years ago.
• I'm reading and learning new things in an attempt to expand my skills as a dominant.
• I'm on the look out for fetish wear and other clothing items to help define my personal style.
• I'm also doing some inner work to help me come to terms with my polyamorous, bisexual nature as well as my S/M streak.

And, of course, I'm still blogging.  I'm also giving serious thought as to how to more fully integrate my kinky nature into my everyday life.  Every self-help book I've ever seen on employment/success talks about doing what you love or following your passion.  There's a piece of me that can't help but wonder how I might make this approach work for me. Hmmmm.

Anyway, that's enough navel gazing for one evening.  :-)

I want to say thanks to all you folks who keep dropping by my blog and encouraging me to keep it going.  Here's a brief clip from a video recorded in April at the Govner's Dungeon and Spa for your entertainment.