Releasing the Wildness Within

Photo compliments of the Gov'ner

One of the most interesting thing about being a Keeper or Dominant is how I'm learning to recognize what the facial expressions and physical responses from my Pet mean during play.  I've been pleasantly surprised and absolutely humbled at the variety of responses I've had the pleasure of evoking over the time we've been play partners. In the past several weeks, Pet and I have discovered a whole new level of response, albeit quite accidentally.  And in this instance, the experience has profoundly affected us both.   There have been several instances in the past few weeks where we've glimpsed the feral creature within. Let me explain.

On the drive back from our recent road trip, I began playing with Pet while I drove.  Nothing too outrageous, after all I was driving!  Just a little CBT play, you know, some slapping and squeezing with as little stroking in between, all with my free right hand.  I'd administer some "attention" then leave him to "percolate" for 5 to 10 minutes, before starting all over again.  I kept this up for close to two hours.  Of course, I could only glance at him from time to time as I was driving.  I was feeling somewhat sadistic and alternated lighter touches with some very intense ball slapping.  Pet was moaning and groaning and generally appearing to be having a grand time of it.

During the latter parts of this exercise, I came to realize (rather suddenly actually) just how far "out there" he had gone.  We had turned the passenger seat visor so I could easily see his face in its mirror.  I had thought I could keep an eye on how he was doing this way.  Well I soon learned how wrong I was.  Clearly there was a lot more going on for him than my occasional glimpses in the mirror could track.  Suddenly I noticed wildness in his eyes that I wasn't used to seeing, at least not under such circumstances.  I tried checking in with him verbally and he could barely speak.  Most all he could manage was a couple of words.  I cursed myself for my carelessness and stopped the car to get some snacks from the trunk.  I forced some food and water in him and covered him in a blanket.  

I looked at him and the wildness was still there in his face.  He was so beautiful, almost terrifyingly so.  I was exhilarated that I was able to evoke such a powerful response for him.  At the same time I also knew we were in virgin territory and was somewhat unsettled as I didn't know how long he had already spent there.  Suddenly he grabbed me and hung on like his life was depending on it!  He pressed his mouth to my ear and whispered "oh goddess" repeatedly.  All the while he trembled like a leaf.  I could feel his heartbeat through the blanket he held me so tightly. I pulled away so I could check his eyes again.  He looked at me searchingly, still unable to really speak, still wild-eyed and so very feral looking.  This wild creature was my beloved Pet!  And then it began to register what he was saying to me.   It's not every day someone calls me "goddess."  I felt my heart swell and hugged him hard.  Immediately I shook myself to break the spell and pressed more food and water on him.  Suddenly he craved candy and couldn't east them fast enough.   It was a good fifteen minutes before he could begin to speak about what had happened. 

To say that this was a powerful experience for both of us is an understatement.  It made it quite clear that even after a year of playing together, there was much we still had to discover about ourselves and how we respond during play.  We continue to become more comfortable with each other, no longer feel the need to edit our responses and as a result, are more open to new experiences.  

Fast forward to last evening; Pet and I had retired to the studio for a play session.  I had been thinking that it was time for me to reassert my Dominant role as I can be quite doting, playful and accommodating outside the play space.  I made it plain at the outset of the session that tonight was about reminding him of his place.  While I may be many things to him besides his Keeper, I know that he needs me to be his Keeper first and foremost.  I stated that I may have been too soft and accommodating lately and perhaps it was time I administered a good beating.  I told him I didn't want him to think that I had forgotten his cravings and assured him that I am fully aware of what he needs from me.  I felt him shiver as I softly spoke these words.  I then pulled away and asked him why he was here.  He responded, "To surrender, to obey and to show gratitude M'am."  I replied, "We'll see how grateful you are in a little while."

I chose not to restrain him this evening.  Tonight would be about discipline and surrender.  He would have to accept what I gave him without the benefit of restraints.  I started off the session with my new heavy leather flogger.  His back and buttocks were good and pink when I switched to my home-made leather whip.  My accuracy with this is improving.  I'd pick a spot, aim and deliver a strike.  This whip also leaves delicious marks.  Eventually I switched to my leather belt as I love the sound it makes and how this blends with the sounds that Pet is making.  

As the impact play continued, I found myself observing that I am far crueler now than I would have ever thought possible before.  I want to bring red marks up on his buttocks.  I want to hear him cry out as he flinches and struggles to hold his position.  In between groupings of strikes I want to hear his breath catch as he struggles to say "Thank you M'am" in a timely manner.  When I pull him close and caress him in between sets of strikes, I want to feel his heart beating as he leans into me.  I look forward to those reverent, feather-light touches as his hand lightly seeks contact with me, almost as if to reassure him that I am still here and all of this is real.  

I pulled out my home-made rope flogger next.  I've written previously that it has in the past when Lady has used it on me, evoked some pretty powerful responses.  I started by flogging Pet's back and buttocks then had him turn around.  I shortened up the falls, coiling them around my hand and flogged his chest, abdomen, legs, cock and balls, alternately.  He leaned back against the chair for support and pulled his abs tight giving me a lovely diagonal surface with which to work.  The rope flogger at short range with shortened falls delivers shallow strikes that are more abrasive and stinging than anything else.  Because it is so light, I can keep it going rhythmically for periods of time.  By the sounds coming out of Pet, I could tell I was on to something.  He began to growl as I worked him over.  

Then it happened.  Pet's energy shifted dramatically.  His head came up.  He made eye contact with me and held it, almost challenging me to see what had been unleashed.  His mouth turned up into an almost menacing smile, his face framed by his mane of brown hair.  He grasped the leather chair behind him, keeping his feet firmly planted, yet looking at him it seemed as if he was coiled to pounce.  I could see his muscles flexing beneath his skin.  And all the while he continued to stare at me, growling, held back from pouncing only by my command!  My dear sweet Pet had transformed into something utterly primitive and wild.  

This transformation was having an incredible impact on me as well.  It was exhilarating to behold.  To think that I had evoked such a response from him! He was no longer struggling to maintain his position.  He now looked like he was fully enjoying and embracing his torment, almost daring me to push him further, challenging me to see what other feral creatures we might unleash together.

I tried to tell Pet what I was seeing and I know that the words were completely insufficient.  I did know that I was having one of those memorable moments that all Dominants must crave and it was feeding me in ways I couldn't have imagined.   At that moment, I was a goddess, having unleashed this powerful, feral creature within my dear, sweet Pet.  As I continued to rain strikes down on him, his aura expanded as he embraced a side of himself that has largely been hidden from view.  He was mine to command even then and I knew it.

At the same time he was watching the impact this display was having on me.  I can't say how it looked to him, but I have never felt as powerful as I did then.  For that short time, I became his goddess, mirroring his wildness and embracing my own inner predator.  I teased and taunted even as I continued his beating, singing to the music and undulating my hips, holding his gaze and challenging him with my own eyes to show me more.  The energy raised between us was amazing.

As enjoyable as this all was, I once again realized we were in new territory and had been for some time.  Recalling our last intense and new experience, I decided it was time to tone things down a little and did.  

After our session wound down, we sat facing each other on the floor, wrapped in an afghan and chatted about what happened.  While it was never planned this way, it seems we have embraced wildness within ourselves and in each other.