Every once in a while though, something extraordinary happens between us. It often takes me a while to process these experiences, to truly understand their significance. I sometimes find it particularly hard to capture such moments in words as I struggle to balance privacy and propriety with the burning need to preserve those memories and joyfully share their stunning beauty with the world.
I've written previously about the almost feral responses I've been able to provoke from Pet and how empowering these are for me. To have him restrained by nothing more than my command while his body flexes and struggles against my invisible bonds, his eyes flashing wildly and almost daring me to deliver another blow, is an amazing "high" for me as his Keeper. I've also written about the first time he spontaneously used the "G-word". Flying high, unable to speak in words except to utter "Goddess" repeatedly, reaching for me and hanging on as though his life depended on it.Sometimes the most extraordinary moments are far quieter and unexpected. Our play session progresses and we move through familiar territory only to be completely surprised. All masks drop, often unintentionally, and Pet affords me a glimpse deep inside, baring his heart and soul in process. These are intense moments for both of us. I can sense the struggle taking place inside him. He wants to surrender to what he feels, but its chosen way of manifesting is almost overwhelming to him. His expression shifts, almost becoming a silent plea for my help.
When it does, I lay down the flogger or whip and hold him, heart-to-heart, showering him with my strength and love. I keep him safe in the sacred space we've created, grounding him as the waves of his release wash over us both. As I behold the love, surrender and gratitude pouring from him in these quiet moments, I am deeply humbled and moved. And for a few heartbeats, time stands still.
Through his surrender, obedience and gratitude, I am learning what it truly means to be Dominant, to be his Keeper. Through his submission, I am learning just how beautiful and profound power exchange can be.
I have been following your blog for at least a year and a half. Your coming out, and evolving, has been inspiring, and roughly happening at the same time as my middle aged awakening.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your courage. It is inspiring.
I have had some profound experiences with my sub as well, not the same as yours, but profound. I have had a difficult time finding others online who share a similar experience. If anyone out there has experienced what I am about to share below, please post here your perspective on it all.
I am married but also regularly date a marvelous human being, a sub, who I click with like few others. Amongst other things I would call her a pain slut, and she really brings out the Dom in me. Anyway, during some of our sessions we have had what I can only describe as the feeling of an Ecstasy trip without the drug. We both feel it, so it's not just the biochemical release she gets from the pain. We are so connected during that time. It seems unreal, surreal, or something. Very X like. She has never taken X, but identifies the same thing I am experiencing. I don't really do stuff like that anymore, yet here is this experience.
Has anyone had a similar experience? If so please share. Sometimes I wonder if it is godlike, or even evil. It is very strong. We are not insane and otherwise lead regular professional and productive lives.
Thank you so much for this blog, and more for what it takes to live the truth that it takes to write it.
I too have sometimes wondered about the "rightness" of all of it. I spent many years feeling an emptiness inside that I could neither name nor soothe. As whole and as happy as I am now, sometimes I still have to fight off the years of conditioning that would have me believe that all of this is so wrong.
DeleteI push past these doubts because in my gut I know that profoundly moving experiences are what life is supposed to be about. Yes, our lives are filled with mundane tasks necessary to keep body and bones going, but these are not what define us nor give us insight into the magic of life.
Beautiful :)
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