When I took my first tentative steps out of the kinky closet several years ago, I was fortunate to have made the acquaintance of a wonderful man who himself was on a journey of self-discovery. He gave me an opportunity to face up to some of my darker desires and helped me ground them in the rest of my life. He also introduced me to the chocolate orange martini. <wink>
We have kept in touch and have been witnesses to each other’s evolution. Recently he posted a journal entry on his Fetlife profile. When I read it, I decided to ask him if I could post it here for my readers. It’s not an easy thing to embrace the darker side of one’s nature. To be able to do so and find not only self-acceptance, but also a partner and love is a wonderful thing and certainly worth sharing. Makes me believe in kinky fairy tales…how about you?
And now for a guest post from the_Govner!
“What’s Wrong with You?” That is beginning to be my favorite phrase, spoken by my slave, Secret, when I have done something that hurts or humiliates her. As a kajira, my kajira, she does not have a safe word and this phrase is not a safe phrase. It is just the words she speaks that let me know I am doing something right…bad, but a very well done bad. Of course, that’s all in perspective, isn’t it?
I have been very lucky this past year. She found me and made me her Master in as much as I saw in her someone I wanted and took her as my slave. Serendipity is such a sweet word to use for us finding each other and becoming bound together in ways that need no ropes, chains or locks. Fate…maybe that really is the right word for it as it seems to have happened at exactly the right point in time.
I am on a learning journey, one that has re-embraced much, much earlier dabbling in bondage and role play and has added all aspects of BDSM. In the last three years I have discovered much about myself…I was on an adventurous high and was trying to frantically take in all that I could. There were physical and visual delights, experiences…kid in a candy store greed…but it was also a little bit shallow. It came with a “disconnect”…
It also came with the need to have a few drinks to “warm up” and become uninhibited in order to allow myself to become the persona I wanted to let out. That transformation from Dr. Jekyl to Mr. Hyde that so many of us want and often need a little extra to get us there. Many know of my fondness for the orange chocolate martini and my well stocked wine cellar…lol. Alcohol can also take one past that turning point and into a place one did not mean to go…just as Mr. Hyde is far beyond the Doctor’s control. Oh I will admit that I have found a very liberated and nasty man in that lack of control, one who has spanked and paddled to the point of my slave trying to crawl away and hide, only to be picked up and thrown down and bare handed to tears…
My Secret has taken me past the point where I need an outside stimulant to get me into the head space to practice my evil and perverted ways, lol. That journey did not come overnight and is ongoing…I still enjoy a glass of wine with company and I’m sure the martini shaker will not rust up…but, now I can get into that space I was looking for…
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a sadist as such. True, I like to inflict discomfort, yes, a bit of pain just because I can and I love to hear “What’s wrong with you?” and yelps, see the trying to get away…video replays have become my drug of choice, of stimulation, of pride…
But with all of that, I am interested in pursuing more of the Gorean side, taking advantage of a pleasure slave, my pleasure slave, in all sorts of ways that please me. Of using and abusing her not just in painful ways, but in ways that are mental…that are a stretch of my imagination and of hers…and yet with balancing love and caring.
“What’s wrong with you?” Hmmm, in this journey, I’m not sure if it is what is wrong with me so much as “What is right with me?”
I remember when my (Fetlife) profile stated that “I live the lifestyle when I can” and Bulldog666 pointed out “Gov…you have a dungeon. You live it 24/7” and that has become true…with my Secret, even when we are not together, I do live it 24/7 as she is part of my life 24/7.
Yes I am on a journey…yes, I am a Master as I own and love a very beautiful, wonderful and devoted slave…now I have to work on becoming a “good” Master and that has so many meanings to it…so many meanings.
“What’s wrong with you?” The best things…only the best.