When I took my first tentative steps out of the kinky closet several years ago, I was
fortunate to have made the acquaintance of a wonderful man who himself was on a
journey of self-discovery. He gave me an opportunity to face up to some of my darker desires and helped me ground them in the rest of
my life. He also introduced me to the
chocolate orange martini.
<wink>
We have kept in touch and have been witnesses to each other’s
evolution. Recently he posted a journal
entry on his Fetlife profile. When I
read it, I decided to ask him if I could post it here for my readers. It’s not an easy thing to embrace the darker
side of one’s nature. To be able to do
so and find not only self-acceptance, but also a partner and love is a wonderful
thing and certainly worth sharing. Makes
me believe in kinky fairy tales…how about you?
And now for a guest post from the_Govner!
“What’s Wrong with You?” That is beginning to be my favorite
phrase, spoken by my slave, Secret, when I have done something that hurts or humiliates her. As a kajira, my kajira, she does not have a
safe word and this phrase is not a safe phrase.
It is just the words she speaks that let me know I am doing something
right…bad, but a very well done bad. Of
course, that’s all in perspective, isn’t it?
I have been very lucky this past year. She found me and made me her Master in as
much as I saw in her someone I wanted and took her as my slave. Serendipity is such a sweet word to use for
us finding each other and becoming bound together in ways that need no ropes,
chains or locks. Fate…maybe that really is the right word for it as it seems to
have happened at exactly the right point in time.
I am on a learning journey, one that has re-embraced much,
much earlier dabbling in bondage and role play and has added all aspects of
BDSM. In the last three years I have
discovered much about myself…I was on an adventurous high and was trying to
frantically take in all that I could.
There were physical and visual delights, experiences…kid in a candy
store greed…but it was also a little bit shallow. It came with a “disconnect”…
It also came with the need to have a few drinks to “warm up”
and become uninhibited in order to allow myself to become the persona I wanted
to let out. That transformation from Dr.
Jekyl to Mr. Hyde that so many of us want and often need a little extra to get
us there. Many know of my fondness for
the orange chocolate martini and my well stocked wine cellar…lol. Alcohol can also take one past that turning
point and into a place one did not mean to go…just as Mr. Hyde is far beyond
the Doctor’s control. Oh I will admit that I have found a very liberated and
nasty man in that lack of control, one who has spanked and paddled to the point
of my slave trying to crawl away and hide, only to be picked up and thrown down
and bare handed to tears…
My Secret has taken me past the point where I need an
outside stimulant to get me into the head space to practice my evil and
perverted ways, lol. That journey did
not come overnight and is ongoing…I still enjoy a glass of wine with company
and I’m sure the martini shaker will not rust up…but, now I can get into that
space I was looking for…
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a sadist as such. True, I like to inflict discomfort, yes, a
bit of pain just because I can and I love to hear “What’s wrong with you?” and
yelps, see the trying to get away…video replays have become my drug of choice,
of stimulation, of pride…
But with all of that, I am interested in pursuing more of
the Gorean side, taking advantage of a pleasure slave, my pleasure slave, in
all sorts of ways that please me. Of
using and abusing her not just in painful ways, but in ways that are mental…that
are a stretch of my imagination and of hers…and yet with balancing love and
caring.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Hmmm, in this journey, I’m not sure if it is what is wrong with me so
much as “What is right with me?”
I remember when my (Fetlife) profile stated that “I live the
lifestyle when I can” and Bulldog666 pointed out “Gov…you have a dungeon. You live it 24/7” and that has become true…with
my Secret, even when we are not together, I do live it 24/7 as she is part of
my life 24/7.
Yes I am on a journey…yes, I am a Master as I own and love a
very beautiful, wonderful and devoted slave…now I have to work on becoming a “good”
Master and that has so many meanings to it…so many meanings.
“What’s wrong with you?”
The best things…only the best.
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