More CBT: Electro Torment in the Dungeon

Pet is quite fond of electric play so of course we included some of this on our recent trip to a friend's dungeon.  I have Pet to thank for introducing me to electro play.  Shortly after we started playing together he showed me his "Little Devil" eletric toy which he bought online.  To be honest, the first time I used it I was scared to death. Having dabbled in electronics in high school, I had a healthy respect for electricity and wasn't too sure about using it in any kind of play.  Thanks to Pet and  little internet research, however, I learned that it can indeed be done safely.  The Little Devil and I have become good buddies and I use it regularly in play sessions.

One of my favorite ways to use the Little Devil is in CBT!  While Pet is quite disciplined in staying wherever I put him, I usually restrain him before I begin any electro torment.  This is to help keep him safe by limiting his movements and help him relax by removing any worry about staying in position.  Last weekend I had the opportunity to use the wonderful restraint table in my friend's dungeon.  Once Pet was safely secured, I was able to indulge with a number of our favorite toys, including the Little Devil. Electro play is usually reserved for the latter parts of our play sessions.  By that time, Pet's endorphins are engaged and he is more relaxed as a result.  I often begin electro play by touching different parts of his body with the toy, as the picture shows and working towards the groin area.

CBT with lots of little clothespins

This is the second post relating to a recent trip to a friend's dungeon.  Pet and I had an opportunity to engage in a number of CBT activities.  One of my favorite involves the use of some nasty mini clothespins.  They may be small but they deliver quite a bite.  I like to use them to create what I have come to call a "prickasaurus."  Pet holds up very well during this activity.  It is pretty uncomfortable as the pinches are many and sustained.  I added a clover clamp to his nipples as well, just to ramp things up.  (I was feeling particularly wicked.)

Our gracious host took a series of shots during this activity and put them together as a video/slide show.  Let me know what you think.  Thanks again to the_Govner for making the video and to my wonderful Pet for happily enduring the torment.

Contemplating Sensual Dominance

Today a friend asked me for some thoughts on sensual domination as she is playing with a submissive who says he really isn't into pain.  I started typing and before long, a blog post was born! Hope you enjoy it.

Most folks who say that they aren't into pain often think most BDSM play is all about inflicting maximum pain.  Of course this is not necessarily the case. Play can incorporate many levels and types of stimulation, but play is about much more than pain.  For me, play usually incorporates one or more of the following aspects:

Providing an opportunity for the submissive to relinquish control:  Structuring a scene to enable the sub to leave his daytime persona behind is key to changing his mental state and opening his mind to new things.  This is the most powerful tool I think we have in our tool kit as Dommes.  My play sessions with my Pet usually begin with the removal of his daytime collar and ritual placement of his play collar.  This is followed by removal of his clothes.  I sometimes inspect his body for marks or other evidence that he has not been attending to his grooming or physical care.  The process of inspection can be quite loving but also sets a different tone, one where I am clearly in charge and he answers directly to me.  This is also a good time to make my expectations plain regarding personal grooming habits, such as shaving or not, cologne or not, etc.  I usually stroke Pet’s skin when I inspect him.  I push my nose into his hair and inhale deeply, rubbing my breasts against his back as I do.  It is a sensual and intimate activity.  If his posture relaxes too much I may reach down and grab a handful of his butt and dig in my nails as I tell him to straighten up.  My intention is to startle and change his state.  The minute he complies I release him and continue stroking and inspecting, telling him what I like and pointing out what needs to change.  

I also have him answer the same question at the beginning of each session.  Of course initially I taught him the correct responses and made it a short writing assignment in between sessions.  The next time back, he had to read his assignment aloud once he was in his play collar and naked.  I can tell you that changes the dynamic in a hurry.  

Cock and Ball Torment in a Friend's Dungeon: Part 1

Photo taken by the_Govner

This past weekend, Pet and I traveled to a friend's place for a weekend of fun.  Our friend has constructed a marvelous dungeon complete with many wonderful things including a jail cell, stocks, St. Andrew's Cross, exposure chair and restraint table.  This was our first opportunity to play in such a well equipped play space and we decided to make very good use of it!  Over the next handful of blog posts, I'll be sharing some of the highlights of our recent adventure.

We arrived early enough on the Friday to rest up a little after the long drive.  In truth the both of us were so excited to see our friend, to meet his slave and to see his new and improved play space that napping was out of the question.  We opted instead for a short walk on the beach. Our gracious host barbecued for supper that evening so we had a good meal in us before we headed downstairs.

Photo taken by the_Govner

Of course, given my preferences and Pet's interests, CBT was high on our agenda for our weekend at the dungeon.  We quickly discovered that the St. Andrew's Cross provides wonderful support for a number of our favorite CBT activities and in particular, ball busting! The pictures here shows me delivering some vigorous kicks to his balls.

To say we had an amazing time is an understatement. Notice how well disciplined Pet was. No restraints were needed, only his self-control in response to my command.  After every sequence of kicks, as soon as he recovered his breath, I always got a "thank you M'am" from him.  He was very good in practicing surrender, obedience and gratitude - but you'll hear more about these in the days ahead.  Suffice it to say, I was very proud of him on our first night in the dungeon.

Another Set of "Firsts"

A killer work schedule and increasing volunteer commitments have seriously cut into my blogging time these days.  This week promises to be another busy one so tonight is my only chance to blog before Pet and I head out on a road trip to a friend's dungeon at the end of the week.  This trip is a big deal for me.  My Lady is supporting me to go even though she will not be attending.  It will be the first trip that Pet and I have taken together and the first time in over a year for both of us at this particular friend's place.

Our host has a great dungeon set up in his basement.  He has a St. Andrew's Cross, an exposure chair, stocks, a restraint table, a jail cell and a wide assortment of restraints and toys.  He is an awesome host, a great photographer and also makes a wonderful chocolate orange martini!   His home is located in a very scenic spot with plenty of nearby locations for photo shoots and beach combing. 

This weekend will hold some "firsts."  It will be my first time meeting his slave.  It will also be my first visit there as a Top. I have already requested a training session with him in the use of his single tail whip, which he affectionately refers to as Snake.  I am looking forward to sharing the dungeon with him and his slave.  It will also be the first chance I've had to keep Pet "in role" for an extended period of time. I've been toying with some ideas about how I'll work this.

I've decided that when his play collar is on, he is to remain "in role" and a certain level of adherence to protocol will be expected.  He will address me exclusively as M'am and seek my permission for everything he does.  He will obey me and show gratitude as any good pet should.  :-)  He will be dependent on me to have his needs met.  I will decide when and how aspects of daily living happen. For example, he will sit at my feet on his rug, he will fetch things for me upon command, he will rub my feet upon command, etc.  We will also have at least one marathon play session while we are there as well.  It will be a challenge for both of us, but I know these are aspects of the dynamic which we both have wanted to explore. 

This weekend will also mark a year since Pet and I began playing together.  He has already given me a gift - a gorgeous purple flogger which I will use for the first time on this trip.  I have a few surprises for him as well, though I'm afraid two will not be ready in time.  I'd love to write about them here, but alas, he reads my blog!

After work on Thursday I will be heading off to pick him up.  We hope to drive part of the way the first evening and to arrive early in the afternoon on Friday. I'm sure I will have much to blog about upon my return.

In the meantime, I want to acknowledge the supportive role which my Lady is playing through all of this.  Even though her desire to see me grow has pushed her own limits over the past two years, she continues to stand by me as I explore my polyamorous/ switch nature.  I am very grateful for her love and understanding.  

Couch Bondage: Take Two

Pet and I recently went to another local rope night.  This one was well attended so space was at a premium. In the interest of sharing space equitably, I opted to start the evening with another round of couch bondage.  Now for those of you who may have missed my previous post where I first used the term, "couch bondage" is any sort of tie that can be done while both parties are seated on a couch.

First up was an arm tie.  Anchoring the bight of the rope around two fingers, I then did a series of double coin knots to just above the elbow.  I then wrapped the rope around and secured them with more double coin knots on the underside of the arm, bring the running ends around and back through the sides of the double coin knots to create the diamond effect you see in the picture.  It took me a while to get this one going, but I was pleased at how it turned out. The next picture shows the underside of this tie.

In this view, you can clearly see the double coin knots on the under side of the arm and how the running ends were drawn back to the front.  The tie works down the front of the forearm, then back up the under side until the running ends are back by the wrist.  I then wrapped the loose ends until I was left with the two slightly frayed ends on either side of the wrist (as the top picture shows).

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

The past several days have been exhausting, filled with highs and lows. I realize this must sound very cryptic.  It is difficult to express what is on one's mind while also respecting others' right to privacy.  Suffice it to say that today I am emotionally exhausted and my confidence has been shaken.  Much of my recent joy has been based on the assumption that I was finally being loved for all of who I am - kinky, perverted bits and all.  Now I'm not so sure that acceptance truly exists, at least not as I had understood.

I recognize that I am a complicated person and am challenging to love, especially now that I'm no longer repressing the non-vanilla bits.  I know it is tempting for folks to write me off as a woman in the midst of a mid-life crisis, but dammit there's more to me than a stereotype, even on my worst day.  My indulgence in self-exploration over the past two years was more than paid for by the decades I lost as I repressed and hid from the world.

At the same time, I have not shirked any responsibilities over the past two years.  I am still the stable, responsible, tax-paying public servant I've been for years.  But I now want so much more than this from my life. I've expended a lot of energy, exploring new paths while also investing heavily in my relationships with others.  I want to support the ones I love to grow with me (at best) or to at least to witness my growth with as little grief as possible (at worst).  After getting feedback suggesting that these efforts of mine have been reasonably successful, it is very hard to hear that this wasn't actually the case. Then there are those things said in the heat of the moment.  Even when I know they are said in a moment of confusion, exhaustion or pain, they still hurt and do damage even if they are revised or recanted the next day.  It all leaves me wondering what I should believe.

I like myself better now than ever before, even if the newer me is disturbing to others, even if it renders me less lovable to them.  I cannot go back to what I was before nor can I force others to accept me for what I am.  For now, my focus will have to be on self-acceptance, on whether or not I meet my own expectations and this will have to sustain me.  I have not given up on those I love - far from it, but I'd be a fool to ignore that things aren't as I have presumed.

I will bounce back - I always do.  Even at my darkest moments, there is a sentinel on watch in my psyche, looking out for me and keeping me safe.  I'll lean on that strength until I get my wind back.  Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

Contemplating Ball Busting

Later this month Pet and I will mark our first year as play partners.  It has been an eventful year to say the least full of discovery for both of us.  This time last year, I would not have believed I could possibly develop a love for CBT.  I vividly recall how tentative and cautious I was as I tormented him for the first time, even after reading Hardy Haberman's book, The Family Jewels.  A year later and I'm planning to do a presentation on the subject at an upcoming local kink event.

While I'm a fan of many types of CBT, lately it is ball busting that has captured my attention.  As I mentioned recently, I've developed an interest in Lance hart's ball busting site She Owns Your Manhood at http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/46144 Pet and I have watched a few clips together and they have generated some discussion.  For example, last evening, as I was putting Pet through his paces, I settled into a sitting position facing him which enables me to deliver kicks to his crotch.  His wrists were in a column tie, secured to an eye bolt in the ceiling.  I had already worked him over for about thirty minutes with a combination of impact activities that while not limited to his cock and balls certainly had warmed them up very well.  After I delivered the first dozen of so kicks, I decided to get some feedback from him before he zoned out.

"On a scale of one to ten - one meaning "I can't feel a thing" and ten meaning "What the fu*k is my safe word?" how would you rate the last blow?"

I was a little surprised to learn that he considered the previous blow to be a mere three.  Well then, now that the gauntlet had been thrown down, I had some work to do.  I rose from my seated position and had him spread his legs a little further apart. I took aim and delivered a solid kick to his balls.  "That was a five M'am."

That's when I started to smile.  I thought, "Oh my, this is going to be fun!"  I took aim, swung my leg back and let another kick fly.  I heard the slap of my foot making contact with his scrotum and the air whooshing out of his lungs.

It's a small kinky world

Since the advent of the internet I have marveled at how much smaller the world has become.  Since joining Fetlife, I have been equally surprised at the relatively small size of the kinky world.

Yesterday I was cruising the video section of Fetlife and I came across a CBT video that featured characters that seemed a little familiar.  My Pet has been kind enough to direct me to some of his favorite online sources of CBT material.  This is how I came to recognize one of the actors.  My first thought was "great, someone likes the same stuff we do."

In search of a kindred spirit, I went to the poster's profile page and as I looked as his profile picture, I thought he looked a little familiar as well.  Perhaps I'd seen him in one of the CBT groups.  Anyway, I continued to peruse his profile and ended up reading one of his writings "About Hard Ballbusting in Film."  That's when I learned the reason he seemed familiar to me - he is both a performer and producer of ball busting videos.  He goes by the name "Lance Hart."

For the record, I don't know the man and neither am I in any way affiliated with his clips4sale stores.  I thought it was great to see someone who personally enjoys ball busting and participates in the various Fetlife discussion groups on the subject, actively involved in producing CBT videos and making some money at it.  Isn't that what most people want?  To find a way to earn a living doing the things they enjoy?

If you want to check out the CBT sites in question, you can find them by going to: She Owns Your Manhood at http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/46144) or if gay content is more to your taste check out Male Ball Busting and other Stuff at http://www.clips4sale.com/store/50447