Making BDSM Toys: A Josephine

This past weekend I tried making a Josephine.  It turned out pretty well.  I started with three strands of 3/8" polypropylene rope which I used to make the knot.  Then I used hemp twine to weave and stabilize the strands before drawing them together to form the handle.  I used the hemp to weave the six strands together (three row of two strands).  I wrapped a little electrical tape around the bottom then wrapped the strands with two layers of mason's twine to further stiffen and stabilize it.  This was an experiment.  Next time I'm going to use 3/8" nylon rope for the knot and will take detailed pictures to show the steps involved.

I gave this prototype to Pet as part of his birthday gift.  He seemed very pleased with it.  Hopefully, I'll be able to share with you how it holds up to use.  ;-)

More Relationship Changes

When my journey of self discovery began, I started down the submissive's path and my beloved agreed to walk with me, taking the role of top/dominant in our play.  Over the past two years, she has had her struggles with that role.  As a child she was regularly beaten and still retains much anger from those experiences. During one particular play session some months back, she had a very strong, negative reaction.  Since then we've only played twice.  Both times we limited our activity to bare handed spanking.  While this had been a pleasant activity for both of us, I could tell her heart just wasn't in it anymore.  I decided I couldn't ask her to continue this way.

We made our peace around this change and I threw myself further into my role as Keeper with Pet.  My beloved removed her profile from Fetlife and decided she needed to take a break.  She encouraged me to follow through on plans to make a road trip with Pet to a friend's dungeon (and you've since seen the highlights of that trip posted here).  She was supportive when I discussed the possibility of co-hosting a play party with another kinkster this past weekend.  The following Monday, we spent a great day together.  Then Tuesday happened.

Homemade Toys: Rope Flogger

I really love playing with rope.  And I don't just mean tying up Pet either.  I love to watch videos of folks creating knots (e.g. J.D. Lenzen at Fusion Knots http://fusionknots.com/index.php ).  I love browsing rope in hardware stores.  I love playing with various types of rope common to these places to see what I can make from them.

I've made a couple of rope floggers in the past and made another today.  One was made with 3/8" nylon rope following the rope flogger directions on JD Lenzen's site.  I whipped the ends with blue hemp yarn using technique #2 on JD's site.  The resulting flogger is quite heavy and has a serious bite to it.

I also made a couple of birthday gifts for my Pet as he turns 27 in the next few days; however, I'm not posting pics of those until after his birthday.  I can't wait to see if he likes them!

Contemplating Evolution

I spent much of the afternoon in my garden, digging weeds, transplanting things and generally puttering around.  I didn't really have an agenda.  I wanted to be outdoors and have some time to think.  There is nothing like the smell of warming earth and well-rotted compost to keep me grounded while I spin dreams and explore my own thoughts.

This weekend has been eventful, and not just because of the play party.  When I arrived on Saturday to take him out for coffee, he let me know he had something to discuss with me.  It seems my dear Pet has been considering a new play partner.  I had made it plain to him from the outset of our relationship that I would have no issue with this; however, before he set up their first session, he wanted to talk to me about it.  He outlined how events had transpired and "confessed" that this time he would not be in a submissive role.

I told him I was genuinely happy for him and shook his hand welcoming him to the world of switchiness.  I wasn't surprised by the turn of events.  I told him he was a sensualist and that I figured it was only a matter of time before he would want to explore from the other end of the flogger.

For a moment, after he first told me what was happening he searched my face as he waited for me to respond, almost as if he was looking for any sign of upset.  I had paused for a moment to see if I harbored any jealousy, but honestly couldn't feel any. I recall thinking "I guess I am truly poly-amorous after all!  Yay me!" I reminded him he should know that I of all people understand there is room in a heart for more than one person at a time.

Post Play Party Reflections

This evening I'm tired but content!  Yesterday's play party turned out to be a small but enthusiastic gathering. Everyone knew each other so the atmosphere was relaxed and comfortable.  There was impact play, needle play, suspension, wax play, electro play, trampling, ball busting and other CBT-type activities.  There was some show-and-tell as people opened up their toy bags.   Thanks to my wonderful co-host, Pet and I had a chance to experiment with several of her toys. We chatted, laughed, ranted, snuggled, giggled, snacked - you get the picture.  We even reveled in each others' bliss!  It was an awesome time.

I've been fortunate to have made some wonderful friends over the past several years within the local kink community.  It is a wonderful thing to be able to get together with like minded folk where you can "get your freak on" and yet feel accepted and understood.  

I don't know that I've ever felt as comfortable as I do with my kinkster friends. I can be myself with them and my customary self-consciousness just isn't there. There is no need for conformity.  They don't care that I'm (in most cases) their parents' age.  They don't care if my interests are different from theirs.  In fact if anything we seem to thrive on learning about and appreciating our respective differences.  

As the day-after-the-party unfolds, there have been texts and messages between party participants making it clear that I'm not the only one basking in the post-party glow.  Sure we all had a chance to play, but there was more to it than just that.  A couple of folks have commented on the amazing "energy" present last evening.  In my opinion what creates this energy is the genuine respect and camaraderie demonstrated whenever this particular group of people is in the same room.  I think on some level we are all conscious of how fortunate we are to have come together like we have.  

And I'm already looking forward to the next gathering.  This time it will be a social visit later on this week where I'll have a chance to show several of them my little play space.  Perhaps we'll be able to explore the suspension possibilities of those lovely eye-bolts installed in  the ceiling beams.  If this works out, I'm sure there will be pictures to share!

Play Party Etiquette

Tomorrow I am co-hosting a play party with a fellow, more experienced kinkster.  This will be my first time in a hostess capacity.  And yes, I have pre-party jitters!  I've booked a rental apartment as this arrangement has worked well for other local parties.  I've posted an event page on Fetlife and both me and my co-hostess have been promoting it locally.  The idea is to get some local kinksters out and perhaps to encourage a few newbies out of the closet.

To foster an atmosphere that is comfortable, safe and pressure-free, my co-hostess and I have also posted "house rules" or "party etiquette" on the event page.  Participants are expected to abide by the rules as set by their distinguished hostesses.  <swings single tail for emphasis>  This is how they read:

When the spirit is willing but the body is weak!

I'm less than 24 hours away from starting a week's holidays and I really need that break.  It has been a tough six weeks and I'm not in the greatest of shape.  Thanks to several motor vehicle accidents in my distant past, my neck and shoulders can be quite cantankerous at times and are acting up big time this week.  My resilience is wearing thin as well.  I'm not nearly as polished as I like to be.  Once my bullsh*t quotient is used up, I have a heck of time managing my own emotions.  Roll a few hot flashes in there and things can get pretty ugly.  As I type this, I've medicated myself and have one of those hot bags wrapped around my aching neck.  I couldn't swing  a flogger worth sh*t this evening let alone a single tail.  What does a wannbe dominatrix to do when her body prevents her from exercising her kink directly?

Milestones: Post Number 200

It's hard to believe that this is my 200th post!  I've spent the past week mulling over what this one should be about, which is why it hasn't been written sooner. While I'm pleased to have reached this milestone, there is something mildly intimidating about it as well.  I think this feeling stems from my current state of mind.  I feel like I'm at a cross roads of sorts with this blog. Let me explain.

When my journey of self discovery began, I had no idea where the path would take me.  I started this blog as a personal journal.  I hoped of course that others might read it and find something comforting, if not useful here. Hence most of the entries have been less about titillation and more about reflection, story telling and information sharing.  Nearly 57000 page views later, I feel comfortable saying that at least some folks have enjoyed the content posted to date.

In the past six months or so, my exploration has focused more upon my D/s relationship with my Pet and on my sadistic leanings, with a little bondage thrown in for good measure.  First and foremost, I am a sensualist and I expect that theme to continue.  I still identify as a switch, but the pull towards domination and sadism/masochism these days feels stronger.

Releasing the Wildness Within

Photo compliments of the Gov'ner

One of the most interesting thing about being a Keeper or Dominant is how I'm learning to recognize what the facial expressions and physical responses from my Pet mean during play.  I've been pleasantly surprised and absolutely humbled at the variety of responses I've had the pleasure of evoking over the time we've been play partners. In the past several weeks, Pet and I have discovered a whole new level of response, albeit quite accidentally.  And in this instance, the experience has profoundly affected us both.   There have been several instances in the past few weeks where we've glimpsed the feral creature within. Let me explain.

On the drive back from our recent road trip, I began playing with Pet while I drove.  Nothing too outrageous, after all I was driving!  Just a little CBT play, you know, some slapping and squeezing with as little stroking in between, all with my free right hand.  I'd administer some "attention" then leave him to "percolate" for 5 to 10 minutes, before starting all over again.  I kept this up for close to two hours.  Of course, I could only glance at him from time to time as I was driving.  I was feeling somewhat sadistic and alternated lighter touches with some very intense ball slapping.  Pet was moaning and groaning and generally appearing to be having a grand time of it.

During the latter parts of this exercise, I came to realize (rather suddenly actually) just how far "out there" he had gone.  We had turned the passenger seat visor so I could easily see his face in its mirror.  I had thought I could keep an eye on how he was doing this way.  Well I soon learned how wrong I was.  Clearly there was a lot more going on for him than my occasional glimpses in the mirror could track.  Suddenly I noticed wildness in his eyes that I wasn't used to seeing, at least not under such circumstances.  I tried checking in with him verbally and he could barely speak.  Most all he could manage was a couple of words.  I cursed myself for my carelessness and stopped the car to get some snacks from the trunk.  I forced some food and water in him and covered him in a blanket.  

I looked at him and the wildness was still there in his face.  He was so beautiful, almost terrifyingly so.  I was exhilarated that I was able to evoke such a powerful response for him.  At the same time I also knew we were in virgin territory and was somewhat unsettled as I didn't know how long he had already spent there.  Suddenly he grabbed me and hung on like his life was depending on it!  He pressed his mouth to my ear and whispered "oh goddess" repeatedly.  All the while he trembled like a leaf.  I could feel his heartbeat through the blanket he held me so tightly. I pulled away so I could check his eyes again.  He looked at me searchingly, still unable to really speak, still wild-eyed and so very feral looking.  This wild creature was my beloved Pet!  And then it began to register what he was saying to me.   It's not every day someone calls me "goddess."  I felt my heart swell and hugged him hard.  Immediately I shook myself to break the spell and pressed more food and water on him.  Suddenly he craved candy and couldn't east them fast enough.   It was a good fifteen minutes before he could begin to speak about what had happened. 

Taking Care of Keeper - Me!

This evening I'm motivated to share something a little different with you.  For about ten weeks, my Lady and I have been eating according to the Paleo Diet (you can find this book online).  We eat fish, meat, poultry, eggs, nuts, vegetables low on the glycemic index and lots of fresh fruit. We've cut out all processed foods, grains and all dairy except for the fresh milk I have in my coffee.  We haven't been fanatical about it by any means, but the results so far have been great.  I can't tell you how much I've lost except that I've had to buy new clothes and some items I've had for a while have never fit as well.

Case in point, a black corset I bought two years ago.  It was a little small on me then, but I thought no big deal; after all it is a corset, right?  Well last fall, I had it on for some pictures and I was so taken aback by how it looked on me that I hadn't had it on since.  For the past several weeks, I've noticed that I am getting smaller so this evening I decided to try it on to see if it fit me any better.  I am pleased to say it does!  Besides this, my energy levels have been more stable than they have been in years and my libido seems to be benefiting from this too!  Now that I have two relationships to nurture, I need all the energy I can get!

I hope to begin a new exercise program in the coming weeks.  It will be interesting to see what impact this has on my shape.  Once my my figure stabilizes, I may finally break down and purchase the electric blue leather corset I've always wanted.  Stay tuned for more updates in the months ahead!